


Someone Like You

by stelleshine



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, Ashton Irwin - Freeform, Cake, Calum Hood - Freeform, Established Relationship, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Luke Hemmings - Freeform, M/M, Mashton, Michael Clifford - Freeform, Real Life, Smut, malum, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-28 18:17:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5100827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stelleshine/pseuds/stelleshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael was not in love with Calum. </p>
<p>The idea was ludicrous – preposterous – and he would deny it to the end of his days, if need be. There wasn’t some seed of love deep inside him, his heart didn’t beat to the sound of Calum’s bass, he just wasn’t in love with his best friend. </p>
<p>OR Michael is jealous of Calum & Luke's relationship, and whines to Ashton about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stella!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Stella%21).



“Hi.”

Michael Clifford knew his tone was a few octaves deeper than usual – and few million times more _pathetic_ than usual – but he had _reasons_.

One of them was holding Luke’s hand, their fingers laced together in a mix of tan and pale skin, talking softly to one another as they  climbed the stairs to the second floor of their London flat, leaving Michael to his pathetic speech, and Ashton to listen to said pathetic speech.

Ashton barely acknowledged him, not bothering to raise his eyes from the New York Times he was thumbing through slowly. Michael didn’t even know they could _get_ the New York Times in London, but he supposed that was just another mystery he’d never know the answer to.

“Ash,” Michael whined softly, slumping down on the couch, poking his big toe into Ashton’s thigh to try and garner some attention.

“No, I’m not doing it,” Ashton said, pushing his thick framed glasses up his nose, turning a page in his paper. “Seriously Michael, go to someone else for positive reinforcement.”

Michael pouted, feeling his bottom lip jut out childishly, find Ashton’s abrupt answer kind of _rude_. Who else was he supposed to talk to, when their rhythm and bass guitarist were going upstairs to _fuck_.

“Watch a movie,” Ashton intoned. “Or, you know…go to bed? We’re flying out tomorrow, remember.”

Michael rolled his eyes, rolling onto his back on the leather couch, and dug his toes further into the softness of Ashton’s upper thigh. He hated how _fatherly_ Ashton could be sometimes, reminding them all to do stupid, _obvious_ things like brush their teeth before morning TV or get some rest before a long flight.

“How am I supposed to sleep with those two going at it?” Michael demanded moodily, his face smushed into a throw cushion.

In the six months that Luke and Calum had been _together_ , they’d always been considerate. It wasn’t like Michael was woken six times a night with a headboard banging against a wall, or burdened by moans and whimpers late at night on the bus – no, if anything, Luke and Calum had almost been _too_ careful.

So when they’d sat Michael and Ashton down to have the talk – the _so, we’re doing it, is that okay with you guys_ talk – it had been a total and complete shock.

Michael had to admit that it had _hurt_ , sitting there across from Calum – his best friend since _forever_ – and listen to the soft, measured way he _gushed_ about Luke, their fingers laced together and their cheeks pink as they confessed to a three week stint of hooking up behind closed doors and not using Luke’s single hotel room and instead, sharing Calum’s.

Michael thought he’d always _know_ , the moment something big happened in Calum’s life. He expected some sort of sign or divine intervention, because out of all the human beings on the planet, Michael was most connected to Calum.

It had started early on in their friendship, and had been something Michael had just accepted, because he was always the first person Calum would come to. When he was ditching school and failing his classes and terrified to tell his parents that he was finally quitting school for the band…Michael was there.

Then once the band took off, they’d hold hands and get each other through the worst of it, and Michael wasn’t sure if he was stupid for believing it’d always be that way, or devastated that his worst fears had been confirmed.

But he’d pasted on a happy face and stuttered through some awkward questions with Ashton – like, how did it work with them _dating_ and just what it would mean for the band – but there hadn’t been any other choice apart from acceptance.

Michael could see the anxiety in Luke’s blue eyes as he looked between both him and Ashton, and could then see that same anxiety ebb away whenever he looked at Calum.

And suddenly, it was so _obvious_ they were into each other.

Luke’s eyes were bright and his lip ring was trapped between his teeth and his free hand was curled around their joined ones, and Michael _rolled his fucking eyes_. Luke was star struck – like he had been with Aleisha – but it felt like something more than that.

He was in _love_.

Michael expected to look at Calum and see something more reserved. He had a good head on his shoulders, he didn’t let anything sway him from the band. But when Michael focused on his face, he could see Luke’s expression, mirrored.

Not only was Luke in love, but Calum was too.

And Michael’s heart shattered in his chest.

He knew it was stupid, he knew it when they were fifteen and closer than ever and would hold hands when they’d watch movies on a Friday night. He’d given a tiny, little piece of his heart to Calum when they were sixteen and decided to lose their virginity to each other because they just didn’t trust anyone else to do it right.

So maybe Michael had always seen something like this coming, because for all intents and purposes, he knew that having feelings for Calum would go nowhere. They never dated or exchanged anything more than bodily fluids and messy kisses, and he knew that one day, they’d both meet other people and fall in love.

Michael never thought that Calum would find love inside the band.

Even when he’d awkwardly flirt with Luke when they were living in London, how’d they’d frequently end up cuddling in bed together when Liz had gone home and everything got a little too real.

So ever since that conversation a few months back, Michael’s pout had only continued to get stronger. It wasn’t all the time, it was mostly at night, when Luke and Calum would hold hands and trade a few soft kisses on the couch before turning in was when Michael missed that closeness.

He missed holding hands and kissing and spooning and he was _jealous_ but he couldn’t figure out if he was just jealous of the fact his friends had each and he had no one, or if he was jealous of _Luke_.

That opened a can of worms too big to expose, and he tried not to think about it too much. He’d taken to whining to Ashton, who _sometimes_ indulged his childish dramatics, but tonight, it looked like he was out of luck.

“Aaaash,” Michael moaned, grinding his toe into the older man’s thigh again. “C’mon, distract me.”

Ashton rolled his eyes, looking over the top of his paper at Michael. “Distract yourself. C’mon. We have a long ass flight tomorrow and I’d rather not get into this bullshit with you.”

Michael huffed out an annoyed sigh. “Can you at least sympathize with me?” he demanded. “That’s it’s _awkward_ as fuck when they sneak off to go upstairs and screw?”

“No, it’s not,” Ashton demanded, closing his paper. “Because this shit has been going on for _months_ and it’s not like they’re banging the walls down. You’re just jealous, anyway.”

Michael let out a soft, high-pitched scoff, pushing himself up on his elbows. “I am _not_ jealous.”

“Yes you are,” Ashton said, setting the paper aside and eased off his glasses. “Because of your weird feelings for Calum, and I will say it – for the fiftieth fucking time – to _get the fuck over it_. Luke’s boning Calum and you’re not. Find someone else to bone.”

Michael sneered at his friend and flopped back down onto the couch. It just wasn’t that _easy_. Michael could probably have seedy, anonymous sex, there were enough fans that offered that he could have it if he wanted it, but his bisexuality felt like a façade, like he was _faking_ it somehow, because ever since the band started, it wasn’t _girls_ anymore. It had been crushes on _guys_ – and lots of them – and he was starting to realize just how desperate he was getting.

But maybe he just didn’t want someone to _bone_ , as Ashton suggested. Maybe he wanted the stupid feelings, and the spooning and being in love.

“I’m going to bed,” Ashton sighed. “I suggest you do the same, because we have to be up at sev-“

“Yeah, seven am, I’m not an idiot,” Michael interrupted moodily.

Ashton rolled his eyes. “Well, with that stupid look on your face you look like one.”

Michael flipped him off, and slumped further into the couch, wondering who the hell would listen to him whine now.

 


	2. Chapter Two

“Get oooooof,” Michael whined.

Calum nuzzled further into Michael’s neck, his eyes shut as he snuck his fingers up underneath Michael’s jacket to paw at his t-shirt.

Michael rolled his eyes, momentarily glad that they were out of the line of sight of fans that had met them at the airport that morning, and that at least Calum wasn’t breathing heavily against his throat. He did dig his elbow into Calum’s ribs, just in case.

He was just in a bad mood, he’d figured out, when he’d barked at Luke that morning about his coffee, how it just wasn’t _black_ enough for his deep, dark soul. Luke had blinked at him and slowly shrugged his shoulder, leaving Michael to brood over his lacklustre coffee as he stared out of the kitchen window of their London flat.

He’d miss it, if he was honest. The past ten days had been fun – quiet, nurturing, but with an undercurrent of pure excitement – and he was almost apprehensive about heading back to the States.

Everything was just so much _bigger_ in America. The fans, the paparazzi, the drama. Michael was sick and tired of hearing about rumours about Luke and some chick, and assumptions made about them just because they were out until two am on a Wednesday morning. It was just so much harder and draining.

He wanted London. He wanted dreary and sleepy and _calm._

“You’re grumpy today.”

Michael huffed, tugging his jacket closer to him to discourage Calum’s fingers from burrowing further into his side. “I don’t want to fly halfway across the damn world.”

Calum sighed. “Necessary evil,” he mumbled softly. “Remember?”

They’d dubbed all the shit they hated to do as _necessary evils_. Long flights, tedious interviews, flat bus tyres, illness, rumours, homesickness – it was all necessary, but God did Michael _hate_ it sometimes.

“Why aren’t you trying to leech body heat off your boyfriend?” Michael demanded.

Calum barely moved, tilting his head somewhat to look at Luke. “We don’t have to be connected twenty-four seven.”

Michael snorted. “Really? Could’ve fooled me.”

Calum huffed out a breath. “Don’t be snarky,” he reprimanded softly. “We don’t get much time together anymore and I’d rather not fight.”

Michael wanted to point out the reason for their disconnect, wanted to point across from them at _Luke_ , who was tapping away on his phone with his headphones in, his right foot tapping along to a beat only he was privy to.

“Sit next to me on the plane?” Calum mumbled. “Wanna cuddle and maybe watch _Adventure Time_ , okay?”

Michael couldn’t deny him anything. Even as he imagined Luke’s pouty face when he’d be forced to sit with Ashton, he didn’t want to give up the ten hour opportunity to reconnect with his best friend.

“Fine,” he agreed, a frown creasing on his face as Calum snuggled closer.

**

“Ugh, get off me.”

Michael huffed, slumping further against Ashton where they sat together on the small couch in their hotel room, jet lagged yet weirdly _awake_ , unsure if he should start reading a novel, or take some advice from Calum and Luke and _sleep_.

The sun was barely setting – and Michael lived by the _don’t sleep until the sun goes down_ jet lag advice – and he knew he had to stick it out for _at least_ another hour. But he knew that if he had to rely on himself, he’d fail miserably, and Ashton looked so warm and inviting where he sat on the couch, eating cornflakes and listening to the crispy cereal crunch between his teeth in the silent room, that Michael just couldn’t resist.

“I’m tired,” Michael sighed.

“So go sleep,” Ashton demanded through his mouthful.

They’d scored a suite in a fancy hotel for while they were in town, and while it was _nice_ it wasn’t London. Michael was determined to be shitty about that, even though it was pointless.

“I can’t until the sun goes down,” Michael whined. “Plus, Calum and Luke are across the hall.”

“Yeah, they’re sleeping. The _door_ is open and Calum is snoring. You can’t use them as an excuse, they’re not even fucking.”

Michael’s eyes rolled back into his head. “Still,” he muttered.

“You had Calum time on the plane,” Ashton pointed out, spooning more cereal into his mouth. “I thought I’d get a break from this shit tonight.”

Michael nuzzled further into Ashton, wriggling closer. “This has nothing to do with Calum,” he mumbled. “Maybe I just want to snuggle you.”

“You _never_ want to snuggle me,” Ashton pointed out. “It’s always Calum or Luke. I’m like, the only option you’ve got right now.”

“So?” Michael demanded. “We just spent ten hours apart and I _miss_ you.”

Ashton pushed him away, pouring the remnants of his cereal and milk into his mouth, slurping it down. “If we cuddle, will you leave me alone?” he demanded through his mouthful.

“Absolutely,” Michael promised. “But _proper_ cuddling. In bed.”

“Jesus,” Ashton muttered, putting his bowl down on the coffee table. “You know I have a girlfriend, right?”

“I’m not asking you to marry me or stick it in,” Michael said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “I want some platonic man cuddles, and you are so very, _very_ manly.”

Ashton didn’t say anything else, and although Michael was dying to ask, he kept his mouth shut when it came to Bryanna. Ashton hadn’t mentioned her in a while, and his phone had been suspiciously silent when they were in London.

Michael had expected to see her already, that she’d be maybe waiting to see Ashton and fuck him into next week to make up for lost time.

But he kept his mouth shut – despite his curiosity – and tugged Ashton down the hall to his room, and pushed him down on the bed.

“Hey,” Ashton frowned, landing with a soft _oof_ , and wriggled around to get comfortable.

Michael tugged off his t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair soft after his post-flight shower. He got in under the covers and waited for Ashton to join him, before curling up on his side.

He thought he’d have to ask – the awkward _can you please spoon me_ – that Michael wasn’t sure how to _actually_ say, and he was relieved and kind of surprised when Ashton curled around his back, throwing an arm around his middle, his other stretched over Michael’s head on his pillow.

“Night,” Michael whispered softly, resting his hand over Ashton’s.

Ashton grunted.

Michael fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt so bad posting such a short first chapter...so here's a short second chapter!


	3. Chapter Three

Michael was _not_ in love with Calum.

The idea was _ludicrous_ – preposterous – and he would deny it to the end of his days, if need be. There wasn’t some seed of love deep inside him, his heart didn’t beat to the sound of Calum’s bass, he just wasn’t _in love_ with his best friend.

He was starting to realize that his jealousy wasn’t really related to Calum that much at all. It was more of what he had with Luke, that special, secret love that no one knew how deep it ran. It was the hand holding and kissing and desperate _heart eyes_ they had for each other that Michael wanted.

He had to sit across the green room at the _Ellen_ show – on the goddamn day of their _album release_ – and _pout_ , because Luke’s legs were tangled with Calum’s and they were holding hands and laughing softly and Michael was _pissed_.

He was a good guy.

He recycled, he always crossed at the lights instead of jaywalking, he held the door open for people when the situation called for it.

Why the hell wasn’t _he_ holding hands with someone and kissing them and being pretty fucking _gross_?

If he wasn’t mistaken, Ashton seemed pretty annoyed with their behaviour too, letting out a snarky comment that  made Michael happy inside his black little soul – _would you like to be alone so you can fuck without an audience? –_ and he felt some sort of sick satisfaction at the way Calum and Luke disentangled and settled for just holding hands between their thighs.

Michael figured Ashton’s mood was Bryanna related. Luke had said something that morning over their celebratory album-release-day-eggs about her coming out to see them play in Hollywood. Ashton’s face had fallen into a scowl and their conversation halted awkwardly for a few moments as Ashton mumbled something under his breath and then abruptly changed the subject.

Michael made an extra effort to be less of a dick to Ashton, and had momentarily snuggled him in the car before Luke and Calum made their entrance. Ashton had smiled and curled into him for just a second before patting his thigh, and Michael felt like a good friend.

The rest of their day had flown by in a whirlwind, and Michael was _exhausted_ and he’d sneered as Calum and Luke disappeared close to two am, and Michael had fallen asleep on the couch.

Michael had made a habit of falling asleep in the living room – he was still on London time – and would wake up at odd times during the night.

He woke up at what he thought was three am a few days into their stay in LA, and was mildly disoriented as infomercials flickered over the TV and the house was eerily silent. He felt a little nauseous – goddamn jet lag – and he wanted a bed and pillows and someone to cuddle.

 _Ashton_.

He would find Ashton and force him to cuddle and all would be alright with the world.

He stumbled up the stairs, eyes blurry with exhaustion and feet clumsy as they almost tripped over the rug at the top of the stairs.

He found Ashton’s room easily enough and let himself in, tiptoeing past strewn shoes and clothes to find the bed. He flopped down unceremoniously, letting out a soft grunt as he crawled up to the head of the bed, facing Ashton.

The other man was asleep despite Michael’s disruptive arrival, the sheets tugged up to his hips and his tanned chest bare.

“Ash?”  Michael chewed at his bottom lip, debating on whether or not to wake the other man.

It was kind of selfish, but Michael wanted to be cuddled, and he didn’t think just wiggling on in would be a smart idea.

“Ashton?” Michael hissed softly. “C’mon, wake up.”

Ashton groaned softly, frowning for a moment before his face relaxed.

Michael rolled his eyes, wriggling closer to the sleeping man. He plastered himself against Ashton’s front from chest to hips, tugging the sheet up over himself as he tucked his head in against the crook of Ashton’s neck.

The older man grunted, arms moving to settle around Michael, almost pulling him in.

Michael smiled triumphantly, gently wrapping a honey blonde curl around his finger as he inhaled Ashton’s scent.

He was just so _warm_ , and he wore cologne and Michael was _desperate._

“Ash?”

“Ssh,” he mumbled, his hand pressing against Michael’s lower back, pulling him in. “Sleep.”

Michael smiled, snaking an arm over Ashton’s hip to run his hand over his warm skin, and was happy to do just that. His eyes fell shut and he let out a tired sigh and was so _close_ to dropping off to sleep when he heard it.

It wasn’t obvious, and Michael managed to block it out for a bit. But then it just became confusing, because it _sounded_ like Calum was doing push ups. He was making that noise of exertion he always did when he worked out, that little _uh, uh, uh_ like his lungs were struggling to punch the breath out of them.

But it didn’t make sense.

Why would Calum be doing push ups in the middle of the night?

It dawned on him slowly, the pieces clicking into place the longer Michael thought about it, and he let out a soft groan when he – _finally –_ realized that Calum wasn’t working out at three am.

Calum was having _sex_ at three am.

Michael felt scandalized for a moment, shocked out of his mind that he was listening to his friends have _sex_ , and he was almost offended. Like, _seriously_?

“Ash,” he hissed.

“Ssh,” Ashton grunted.

“They’re _doing_ it.”

Ashton’s knee bumped against his. “Just ignore them.”

Michael frowned. “Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“Because I’ve shared a wall with them all week and this isn’t the first time,” he explained, his voice thick with sleep.

Michael almost felt _bad_ for him, because how goddamn inappropriate was that? He was lost in his thoughts of shock when he was presented with a new set of noises.

 _Luke’s_ noises.

He was quieter, whispering _Cal_ over and over again under his breath, and Michael was suddenly _picturing_ it.

The two of them tangled in the messy sheets of Calum’s bed, bare skin pressed together, their hands joined. He wondered who topped, if it was Calum who’d use his muscular advantage to hold Luke down and fuck him, or if it was Luke who had Calum on his knees, his lips pressed to his shoulder blades as they moved in sync.

Michael wanted to go in there and _see_ – for _science_ – and was tempted to do just that when Ashton shifted.

It was obvious he was on the edge of sleep, letting out a soft, pliant sigh, his body rocking forward to get comfortable and then all of a sudden, Michael wasn’t thinking about Calum and Luke.

He was thinking about Ashton – more specifically, Ashton’s _hard on_ against his _thigh_.

Michael had to be wrong, surely. Because there was no way Ashton got wood from hearing their friends have sex, right?

But Michael knew – and would _never_ admit – that he wasn’t immune to it. It was _sex_ , and he hadn’t had sex in _so_ long. It was the same effect as porn, really. The soft, breathy sounds of people locked in a passionate embrace, and Michael knew he could get hard.

He almost _wanted_ to.

“You’re,” he whispered softly against Ashton’s throat.

“Physiology,” Ashton grunted.

“What?” Michael frowned.

“It’s a physical reaction. Don’t make it weird.”

Michael snorted, unable to hold in a few delirious giggles as he pressed his mouth against Ashton’s throat.

Ashton groaned. “Just go to fucking sleep or go back to your own room.”

Michael pressed his lips shut, holding in the laughter that wanted to escape, and convinced his body to rest.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it's been years since I posted on this site! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read/commented/subscribed/gave kudos on the first two chapters! I look forward to tantalizing you all further with coming chapters. :)
> 
> Special thanks to Stella, 5SOSandChocolate, Sohomotho, rejectclifford, jessica, reader000 and awfuldaycupcake for their comments! Keep them coming! 
> 
> xoxo


	4. Chapter Four

“So, who fucked who?”

Michael almost had a spring in his step the next morning, offering to make coffee for the entire band and presented them with their mugs at the dining room table.

Ashton was spooning his cereal into his mouth while scrolling through his twitter feed, and Calum and Luke were sleep-rumpled and sharing a plate of toast.

“Jesus,” Calum groaned, rolling his eyes. “Really?”

Michael grinned. “C’mon, I _heard_ you guys last night.”

Calum’s jaw tightened, and Luke reached for his hand.

“We knew this would happen,” he said softly. “Just let him get it out of his system.”

“Oh Lukey,” Michael grinned. “Were _you_ the one who got fucked last night?”

Luke’s cheeks went red and he rolled his eyes. “What are you, twelve?”

“So you were?”  Michael guessed.

Luke rolled his eyes again and didn’t answer, reaching for his cup of coffee.

There was a frown creased on Calum’s brow, and he was shooting daggers in Michael’s direction. But Michael didn’t _care_ , he was almost joyful at the knowledge that he _had_ something over them now, that in all the months they’d been screwing around, he’d never really had anything to tease them about.

Apart from the hand holding and kissing of course.

“C’mon!” he demanded, elbowing Ashton. “We _heard_ you. The moans and the _oh Cal_ ,” Michael moaned out, exaggerating the words he’d heard the night before.

Calum let his hand slap down against the table top, and his facial expression said _murder_. “Why don’t you concentrate on your own lacking sex life, and leave mine and Luke’s out of it, huh?”

The smile slipped from Michael’s face, and he instantly felt sick. Never in their entire friendship had Calum spoken to him like that, or _looked_ at him like that.

“I’m sorr-“

“Yeah, you’re sorry,” Calum interrupted. “Let’s just move _our_ sex life,” he said, gesturing between himself and Luke, “to the _things we don’t talk about ever_ , okay?”

Michael nodded dumbly, looking down into his mug of coffee. He heard Calum’s chair scrape along the tiles as he stood up, taking his cup and stalked out of the room, and Michael could feel the anxiety radiating off of Luke in waves.

“I’m sorry,” the younger man offered softly. “He’s just…it’s personal, you know?”

“Yeah,” Michael mumbled.

Luke’s hand reached across the table to touch his, making Michael look up. “It’s okay.”

Michael bit down on his bottom lip and nodded, squeezing Luke’s fingertips before the younger man was pulling away and getting up from the table, following Calum’s stormy path.

Michael held his breath until he was gone, and he let it out slowly once the level of tension had dropped. “Well, I really fucked that up,” he mumbled.

Ashton snorted beside him. “That reaction was epic,” he muttered through his mouthful of cereal. “Seriously, he’s totally cagey about him and Luke.”

“Yeah,” Michael mumbled. “I should go apologize.”

“Nah,” Ashton advised. “Let Luke calm him down, and try later.”

It didn’t feel right.

Michael was Calum’s _best friend_ , and at every crossroad in their life, they’d been together. It made Michael feel sick that _he_ was the reason Calum was upset, that it had been his own big mouth that had caused the damage.

He knew he’d be able to smooth it over, but that wasn’t the point.

Michael wasn’t sure when things had changed between them, but now that he was with Luke, it seemed like he’d been replaced.

**

Michael bit down on his bottom lip, gripping the handle of Ashton’s bedroom door, debating on entering or not.

The older man had gone to bed an hour earlier, and while Michael hadn’t been ready to sleep then, _now_ he was, and he didn’t want to sleep alone.

Calum had been avoiding him since their disagreement that morning, and Michael had felt sick all day. Through every interview he had to pretend he was excited, and he _was_ , really. The album was out and the feedback was incredible, and it genuinely made Michael’s heart soar.

But being on the outs with Calum wasn’t _right_ , and it was tying Michael up inside.

“Ash?”

He stepped into the room and shut the door, deciding to go against his knowledge to _let sleeping dogs lie_ , and tiptoed over to the bed and crawled on.

“Michael?” Ashton murmured out.

“Yeah,” Michael whispered, crawling under the sheets and invaded Ashton’s personal space.

“You even slept in your bed since we got here?” Ashton asked, his voice thick with sleep.

Michael smiled, curling in against the other man tightly, sliding his hand up Ashton’s bare back. “Gonna sleep here from now on, kay?”

“Sure,” Ashton agreed sleepily. “Maybe just go to bed _with_ me, instead of waking me up, hm?”

Michael smiled and closed his eyes.

**

“Hey.”

Calum looked up from the craft services table where he was making himself a cup of coffee. “Hi.”

Michael bit down on his bottom lip and tried to keep the rambling apology behind his teeth, for now. “Can we talk?”

“Look, I really don’t want to fight,” Calum sighed.

“Me either,” Michael said quickly. “Please, Cal?”

Calum looked over his shoulder to see Luke and Ashton sandwiched together on a tiny couch, watching some hilarious video on Luke’s phone, if their giggles were anything to go by.

“Outside?” Calum suggested, lifting his Styrofoam cup to his lips and blew on the hot liquid.

Michael nodded and they slipped away unnoticed, finding their way through the back hallways of the radio station they were at. The bright sunlight made him wince, and they found a shady spot out of the way, and Michael went blank.

Calum sat on an old milk crate, sipping his coffee and the silence stretched on between them.

Michael kicked at a few loose pebbles, searching his mind for the words to say to bridge the gap between them.

“You don’t talk to me about Luke.”

It wasn’t what he expected to say, and Calum looked up at him as if he didn’t expect it either.

“I don’t talk to you about Luke?” he repeated slowly.

“I mean, yeah,” Michael shrugged. “You never _told_ me, you just…dropped off the face of our friendship.”

Calum frowned. “That’s not fair.”

“Well neither is you setting me aside for Luke.”

Calum took another sip of his coffee. “I don’t talk to you about Luke because it’s _weird_ ,” he pointed out. “We’ve all been friends for so long and now that Luke and I are together, it complicates that. Plus, there was that reaction the other morning.”

It had been four painful days of not talking, of Calum leaving the room whenever Michael would enter, and Michael had been whining about it to Ashton for days and the older man had given him an ultimatum; fix it, or find somewhere else to sleep.

“I am honestly, truly and _completely_ sorry for the other morning,” Michael said sincerely, sitting down cross legged on the gravel. “It was way inappropriate and Jesus, Cal. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“Well you did,” Calum frowned. “Do you know how hard we try to keep things normal for you and Ash? That we have sex at three in the morning so you guys aren’t awake to hear it? We keep _everything_ behind closed doors because the honest truth is that me and Luke together is _weird_.

We’ve been friends for so long, and now we’re trying to learn how to be in a relationship and it’s not something we want to include you and Ash in. It’s _us_ , and I can’t pull you into it. We’re trying so fucking hard not to make it weird.”

Michael looked down at the scuffed toes of his shoes. “I didn’t know, okay? That you both felt the pressure to hide it, or minimize the impact.”

“I’m in love with him, Mikey.”

Michael felt the weird jealousy again, the nausea underneath the pain of losing his best friend.

“And I think he’s in love with me, and that’s _amazing_ for us, okay? I’ve had feelings for him for years, and now we’re together and when you say shit like you did the other day, it makes it harder to separate the band from our relationship.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael whispered softly. “But why didn’t you tell me? I never would’ve given you shit for it. And the reason I was a tool the other day was because I thought you two were just messing around, I didn’t know you were in love with him. At least not officially.”

“Well I am,” Calum said softly. “And if I’m ever going to trust you with how I feel about him, you need to grow up, okay? Be my best friend and _listen_ to what I have to say without making jokes about who fucks who.”

Michael felt _sick_ , and he let out a sigh. “I didn’t realize I fucked up this bad.”

Calum nudged Michael’s knee with his foot. “Just…it’s not a joke, me and him.”

“I get it,” Michael nodded, looking up. “I promise I won’t run my mouth again, if you promise to just keep me in the loop, yeah? I care about your happiness, and if that’s with Luke, then good, okay?”

Calum smiled. “He’s incredible.”

The jealousy was still there – and there was a part of Michael that wished he could be Luke; just a tiny bit – but he was happy that Calum was happy.

The last four days of not talking to him had been incredibly painful and desperately _sad_ , and Michael didn’t ever want to do it again. He didn’t want to let anything come between him and Calum.

“I’m going to tell him,” Calum admitted. “I was thinking tonight? After we get home after the show I want to tell him I love him.”

Michael smiled, looking up at Calum. “I think you should, I think you guys are great together, Cal.”

Calum smiled. “Thanks. I’ve just never felt this way before, and I thought I knew everything about him, and then when we started dating, there’s this whole other piece of him I’ve never seen before.”

Michael wanted to scowl and find Ashton and maybe bitch about his friends’ happiness. Because he was _happy_ for them, of course, but he wanted to steal it for himself.

“I love you, okay?” Calum said. “These four days sucked, so no more fucking jokes, okay?”

Michael smiled. “I love you too, and I promise to try and be less of a dick.”

Calum stood up so he could crouch down and he pressed a kiss to Michael’s cheek. “C’mon, let’s go back inside, I miss my boyfriend.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy first of November! I hope you all had a spooky Halloween yesterday! I ate a little too much of the candy I was handing out and went to bed at 10:30 with a headache!
> 
> So, here is another chapter for you all to enjoy! Don't forget to leave me a little comment letting me know what you think! Love makes the world go round!
> 
> Special thanks to awfuldaycupcake, reader000, nnessiee, michaelhood and irwah on their comments from the last chapter. It's much appreciated! 
> 
> xoxo


	5. Chapter Five

The rest of the day felt like an episode of _American Horror Story_. Michael wasn’t sure which way was up and he felt like his head was spinning.

The promo was _exhausting_ , and as much as he loved the new album, talking about it constantly – and trying to say something _new_ each time – was maddening. He felt like his head weighed twenty kilos and he was hungry and wanted to take a bubble bath.

Everyone seemed to be in a similar mood, and even Calum and Luke were quiet, just holding hands in the van on the way back to the house. It was close to one am, and the idea of sleep was all that Michael was holding onto.

His attention was mostly on Ashton, who sat beside him in the van, scrolling through his phone with his headphones on. He’d been quiet ever since someone had asked about his girlfriend, and Michael had watched him slowly shut down.

Something had happened, obviously.

But Ashton wasn’t talking, and after Michael’s faux pas the other morning, he was hesitant to ask.

He just leant heavily against him on their way home, resting his head on Ashton’s shoulder, their thighs pressed together.

They all filed into the house silently, drifting upstairs for showers and bed. While Michael wanted to stand underneath the hot water and let it loosen some of the knots in his shoulders, the idea of sleep was so much better.

“Night, guys,” Calum called softly as they parted ways in the hallway, Luke raising his hand in a tired wave before disappearing behind the closed door of their room.

It left Michael and Ashton standing in the hallway in shared silence.

“Shower?” Ashton offered softly.

Michael wanted to accept, but the idea of having to take off his clothes and lather himself up was more energy than he had.

“You go,” he sighed. “I’m just gonna…bed.”

Ashton cracked a small smile. “Okay. Don’t hog my side.”

Michael rolled his eyes, swatting at him playfully before disappearing into Ashton’s room.

It felt weird, to see his suitcase abandoned next to Ashton’s, his clothes spilling out onto the floor. But the comfort he got from the other man outweighed any weirdness. He pushed it out of his mind as he pulled off his clothes, crawling beneath the sheets in his just boxer briefs, slumping against the pillows with a sigh.

He could hear the sound of running water in the bathroom, and Calum and Luke’s soft murmuring next door, and he closed his eyes, letting the exhaustion threaten to drag him under.

He was almost there when Ashton entered the room, hanging his bath towel on the doorknob as he pulled on boxers and slid into bed beside Michael.

“You awake?”

“Mhm,” Michael mumbled tiredly, feeling Ashton’s hands close over his hips, pulling him back against his chest.

“Sweet dreams,” Ashton murmured, and Michael let out a content sigh.

When Michael first heard it – those tell-tale grunting sounds – he didn’t really care. He was too tired to care that Calum and Luke were having sex, because he was too tired to even lift his head, to even give a damn that he had to listen to it.

But it kept him from falling off the edge into sleep, because this time was _different_. Calum was a little louder, letting out soft whines, soft chants of Luke’s name intermixed with pleas for _harder._

And all of a sudden, Michael was picturing it.

Calum on his knees, hands gripped around the headboard, looking over his shoulder at Luke, who had a secure grip on his hips as he pulled Calum back to press inside of him, sinking in hot and heavy and oh so tight.

He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly and tried to block it out, even as Calum continued to beg for more on the other side of the wall.

He thought he was too tired to react, but apparently his dick had a mind of its own, and he could almost _feel_ the burn in his lower stomach, the oncoming threat of getting _hard_ , and he couldn’t even get himself off because Ashton was right _there_ , asleep, and Michael was stuck.

He buried his head further into his pillow and tried to block it out, tried to think about how tired he was, and that he didn’t have the energy to get hard, but his body thought otherwise, and as the sounds next door increased slightly, he realized he was fully hard.

“Shit,” he panted out in a whisper, biting at his bottom lip.

He felt Ashton shift behind him, his hands stroking over his skin and pulled Michael back.

And Michael _choked_.

Ashton _had_ to be asleep, or possibly insane, because Michael could _feel_ him, the hardness of his dick, rut up against his ass _twice_ , before his hips stilled.

He held his breath, trying to listen for any sounds of life from Ashton, while trying to block out the whines on the other side of the wall.

“Mikey,” Ashton whispered.

“Y-yeah?” Michael stammered.

“Sorry,” Ashton mumbled.

Michael held his breath, arching his back slightly, to feel Ashton press against him again.

“C’mon, stop,” the older man mumbled out.

Michael _knew_ he was stepping over the line. He knew that his actions were wrong and inappropriate, but as he rocked his hips back against Ashton’s dick, all he could focus on was the pleasure.

“Stop,” Ashton ground out.

“Don’t want to,” Michael admitted.

“You have to,” Ashton insisted. “We can’t do this.”

“Yes, we can,” Michael rushed out. “Just, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

The logic was deeply flawed, but Michael’s sleep-deprived brain didn’t _care_.

Ashton was silent for a long moment, his hand gripping Michael’s hips as the moans next door turned into breathy gasps, and then all of a sudden, he was grinding forward.

“Yes,” Michael whispered, pressing his ass back against the rut of Ashton’s hips.

“Fuck,” Ashton ground out, pulling on Michael’s hips tightly, grinding against him harshly.

Michael’s head spun, heat flooding his stomach as his hand reached down to cup himself through his boxers, rutting forward into his hand as Ashton thrust against him.

The older man was grunting, soft little sounds into Michael’s ear and in all the years they’d shared hotel rooms and bunks and _beds,_ Michael had never heard sounds like that come out of Ashton’s mouth. And the more he heard, the more he liked it, and he was whimpering softly, pressing his fingertips to his lips to keep the sounds inside.

Ashton grunted, his grip on Michael’s hips almost bruising, fingernails digging into the fabric of his boxers as he tugged him back roughly, grinding forward with a slow, quiet groan.

Michael was almost choking, turning his face into his pillow to let out a soft, deep groan. It had been _months_ since he’d had sex, so long ago he could barely remember, and the roughness of Ashton’s hands and the desperate grind of his hips reminded Michael just how much he liked to be touched that way, dragged around like a ragdoll.

“Ash,” he whimpered softly, his hand moving down to grab Ashton’s hand on his hip, his other still touching himself through his boxers.

“Gonna come,” Ashton grunted out, his mouth pressed to the curve of Michael’s shoulder, dragging slick and wet over his skin.

Michael almost wanted to laugh – and make fun of Ashton just a little – before realizing that the joke was on _him_. Ashton was nearing an _orgasm_ , which was probably the best thing that could ever happen _ever_ , and Michael was lost on the way his voice dropped lower when he spoke, that this was one of his _best friends_ grinding their more-than-impressive dick against his ass and instead of hurtling towards his own end, he was being juvenile.

Michael really hated himself sometimes.

He let out a soft whimper, pressing his hips back against Ashton, biting his bottom lip as they rutted together roughly before Ashton’s grip tightened to the point it was borderline painful, and he was shuddering and gasping against Michael’s shoulder as he stilled.

Michael’s mouth dropped open in shock, feeling Ashton grind forward slowly, riding out the messy end of his orgasm, one arm moving to wrap around Michael’s waist and dragged him back, nosing into the sweaty hair at the back of his neck.

“S’good,” Ashton rasped out quietly, and Michael felt the words burn into his skin.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly, desperately hard in his boxers but momentarily blind sighted by the sounds Ashton made when he came.

“You,” Ashton mumbled, his hand flattening over the soft plane of Michael’s abdomen. “Let me, yeah?”

Michael nodded, his brain far too slow to catch up to what he was agreeing to, before Ashton’s hand slid lower, fingertips dancing over the outline of his erection in his boxers, and Michael was choking out a whimper.

“Got you,” Ashton breathed, hand fitting around him tightly, the teasing touches making Michael thrust into it.

It seemed to spiral from there, Michael’s face turned into his pillow as Ashton touched him, dragging him quickly to the edge and mouthing over his shoulder as he finally came, bucking into Ashton’s hand and messing up the inside of his boxer briefs, but he felt bright and electric all over his body.

Ashton’s warmth rolled away from him, the older man flopping over onto his back, and Michael took a moment to gasp for breath and try to process what had just _happened,_ because he was still so tired and the fact he’d just had sex with one of his _best friends_ , wasn’t hitting him quite as hard as it should.

He could feel consciousness slip through his fingers as he fell into sleep.

**

When Michael blinked himself awake, it was to bright sunlight streaming in around the edges of the curtains in Ashton’s bedroom, trying to burn itself into Michael like that was its sole purpose. He groaned and rolled over, hoping to bury his face into Ashton’s neck and take another hour of sleep back from the sun.

But the bed was empty.

And Michael could smell _sex_.

It all seemed to crash down on top of him, the memories of what he’d done with Ashton in that very bed that crossed a _huge fucking line_ , and all he could feel was blind panic, and the fact he was sticky and gross and absolutely terrified of Ashton’s reaction.

He could hear signs of life downstairs, the TV on and Luke yelling something about toast and coffee and Michael imagined going down there to see three sets of eyes on him – judgemental, condemning eyes – and they were going to kick him out of the band because he’d had _sex with Ashton_.

He groaned, as if that would alleviate some of his turmoil, but it didn’t.

He dragged himself out of bed, grabbing fresh clothes from his suitcase before cracking open the bedroom door, like he expected the three of them to be waiting to kick his ass.

The hallway was empty and he darted out of the room and across the hall, shutting himself in the bathroom, behind the locked door.

He avoided his reflection, peeling off his underwear and avoided even _looking_ at the fabric as he kicked them underneath the sink before turning the water on, and stepping under when it was hot enough to burn some of his anxiety away.

**

Michael winced as a step creaked under his foot, and he waited for his band to notice his entrance, but Luke was engrossed in some documentary, and Calum smiled at him from where he sat at the dining table.

“Hey dude,” he greeted.

Michael frowned and pursed his lips. “Hey?”

Calum’s expression mirrored his. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Michael said quickly, passing by Calum and went into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. “Um, have you seen Ash this morning?”

“Yeah,” Calum called. “He went for a jog before we have to be ready to go. Why?”

“No reason,” Michael said, trying to sound nonchalant as he poured coffee into his mug, dumping three sugars and a splash of milk into it.

“You okay?”

Michael jumped, spilling milk over the edge of his mug and almost knocked the entire thing off the bench in his haste to set the carton down.

“Michael?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Michael said, trying to sound _normal_.

“Okay, what happened?” Calum sighed tiredly. “Did you and Ash have a fight? Are things going to be awkward as fuck for a few days?”

“No,” Michael assured him quickly, stirring his coffee before dropping the spoon into the sink. “I was just wondering where he was, that’s all.”

He was proud, he sounded almost _causal_.

“Alright,” Calum said skeptically. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Michael nodded, taking a sip from his mug. “What time do we have to roll out?”

Calum rolled his eyes. “ _Roll out_?”

Michael flipped him off.

“Car will be here at nine,” Calum smirked. “So that means I have time for a shower, if you haven’t used all the hot water.”

“Hey, it’s like a roll of the dice. You won’t know until you’re in there.”

“Fuck you, Clifford. If there’s no hot water I will kick your ass!”

Michael laughed, giving Calum a playful shove as he passed by, heading for the living room as Calum went upstairs.

Michael ended up on the couch beside Luke, who was entranced with some documentary about bugs or something. The silence was probably preferable, so Michael sipped at his coffee as he scrolled through his twitter feed.

He was happily doing so until the sound from the TV cut out, and when Michael looked up, Luke was staring at him.

“What?” he demanded irritably, noticing the TV was on mute.

“I heard you last night,” Luke said simply. “You and Ash.”

Michael felt like he might vomit, and he thought that that would be a fitting punishment for Luke, considering he didn’t even _try_ to beat around the bush and spare Michael some embarrassment.

“Did you hear us? I’m sorry about that,” Luke said softly. “I didn’t think…Calum said you guys were probably asleep and we just…yeah.”

Michael swallowed past the feeling of nausea. “It’s okay,” he heard himself say. “I hate that you think you have to apologize for having sex with your boyfriend.”

Luke shrugged a shoulder. “I’m more sorry that it makes it a little weird.”

Michael fell quiet, counting the seconds until he’d have to address Luke’s first comment, and he felt stifled, like all the air was being slowly squeezed out of his lungs.

“Mikey?”

“Alright, Jesus,” Michael griped, setting his mug down on the coffee table. “I don’t know what happened okay? Did Calum hear? Were we that… _loud_?”

“No,” Luke assured him softly. “I wasn’t even really sure what it was until Calum went to the bathroom, um, _after_ ,” he mumbled out softly. “And I mean, it was just kind of quiet but I could hear you.”

Michael groaned, covering his face with his hands and he didn’t even want to _look_ at Luke. He knew that out of the rest of his band, Luke was probably the one he should talk to about this, because Luke wasn’t judgemental and he wouldn’t make Michael feel like shit.

“Did you sleep together?”

“No,” Michael mumbled from behind his hands. “We…we fooled around.”

“Okay,” Luke said softly. “Was that sort of…out of the blue or have you guys done that before?”

Michael dropped his hands, looking down at his feet. “No, it was the first time. We just got caught up, I guess.”

“Are you okay?”

Michael looked up at him and let out a soft sigh. “Did I fuck everything up, Luke? I mean you and Cal, that’s different. Ash and I just hooked up.”

“You need to talk to him,” Luke advised. “He seemed a little weird this morning. He didn’t even have coffee before he went for a run.”

“Shit,” Michael whispered. “I don’t know what to _say_. Like, _hey, thanks for the orgasm hope this doesn’t fuck with our friendship_?”

Luke smiled. “Maybe not that,” he advised. “You need to figure out how you feel first.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, do you want to do it again?”

Michael could feel heat flood his cheeks. He’d been trying to find regret inside of himself since he woke up, but he wasn’t able to find any. What had happened with Ashton had been _good_ , and sorely missed.

“Are you into him?”

“No,” Michael said quickly. “I mean, he’s Ashton. But you and Cal are fucking and it makes it really fucking obvious that _I’m_ not getting laid, and he’s just…he’s hot, you know that.”

“Okay, first of all, Calum and I aren’t just _fucking_ ,” Luke pointed out, a frown on his face. “Second, you can’t just be cavalier about this because it’s Ashton and it’s the band. You have to talk to him and see where he’s at.”

Michael knew Luke was right.

“And you should talk to him soo-“

“I’m back!”

Michael bolted upright as he heard Ashton’s voice from the front of the house, and the sound of the door swinging shut.

He jogged into the living room, his tank top stained with sweat and his headphones around his neck. He stopped short, his eyes lingering on Michael for a minute before looking at Luke.

“Oh, hey,” he panted out. “I’m gonna take a shower,” he said quickly, heading for the stairs.

“I think Calum beat you to it,” Luke smiled.

“Right.” He paused, looking at a spot over Michael’s shoulders. “I might uh, tidy my room,” he said quickly, and almost bolted for the stairs.

When he was out of sight, Michael let out a sigh and his shoulders slumped. “Obviously he regrets it.”

“You don’t?” Luke asked, surprise evident in his tone.

“Oh, ah, of course,” Michael mumbled, standing up. “I might go talk to him.”

He didn’t wait for Luke to answer him before he headed for the stairs, ascending them slowly. He could hear the shower running, and his stomach was clenching painfully as he headed for Ashton’s room, finding the door ajar.

“Ash?” he called, knocking softly.

“Yeah?”

Michael pushed the door open to see Ashton sitting on the edge of the unmade bed, easing his joggers off.

“I think we should talk,” Michael said softly.

Ashton cleared his throat, nodding his head. “Yeah, uh. Okay.”

Michael hoped that Ashton would be the first to speak, that he’d be able to handle the adult conversation, but as the awkward silence stretched on between them, Michael realized that he had to step up.

“About last night,” Michael said softly. “Look, I’m sorry if I stepped over a line…”

“Oh,” Ashton said softly. “Um, me too, I guess.”

“We were just really tired,” Michael offered weakly. “You know, we haven’t exactly had active sex lives lately, it was just… _momentary_ satisfaction.”

“Sure,” Ashton agreed. “A weak moment.”

“Definitely,” Michael muttered. “I don’t want things to be weird.”

“Me either,” Ashton sighed.

Michael managed a small smile. “Friends?”

Ashton mirrored his expression and gave a small nod. “Friends.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love you wonderful people! I love how Mashton is taking off, because let's be honest, it's SO real. I love the two of them together!
> 
> Please continue to leave love for me to read, it's so awesome!
> 
> Special thanks to rejectclifford, daisy_maus, michaelhood, reader000, bigJ, Sohomotho, ArdeaPurpurea, awfuldaycupcake, leylavalerio and sarahrez1 for their comments! I love seeing familiar names!
> 
> xoxo


	6. Chapter Six

By the time a few days had passed, Michael was able to forget about what had happened with Ashton. They still shared a bed and pretended they couldn’t hear Calum and Luke, even if they had been extra considerate lately.

Michael would still remember, little flashes coming back to him when he caught sight of Ashton changing after a show, or watching him get up at night to go and pee. And Michael tried to ignore that little flutter of _something_ deep in his gut, and had to remind himself that they were _friends_ , that _friends_ didn’t just screw around because they were desperate and horny.

It made Michael think about Bryanna, and her curious absence from Ashton’s life. It was like she’d dropped off the face of the earth – or like she never existed – and Michael wanted to know what happened.

He’d tried getting information out of Luke, but it seemed like whatever had happened, was something Ashton hadn’t told _anyone_.

Michael wanted to ask, one night after too much beer and celebratory cake at John’s after the iHeart Radio show. They’d ended up back at the Feldman home, celebrating the startling and rewarding response to the album, and everyone was just _happy_.

Calum was in Luke’s lap, and they weren’t even _trying_ to keep their hands off each other, and Michael kind of liked it. To see them giggling and holding hands and trading soft kisses here and there. It was just _nice_ , and it felt incredibly overwhelming to know where they were, and how far they’d come.

John had organized a car to take them back to the house, the four of them sated and a little over the limit and into _we’re rowdy and going to take advantage of it_ , and they’d only just managed to keep Calum from mooning a cab at a set of traffic lights as they headed home.

But once they were safe inside and stumbling up the stairs to bed, Michael wondered if Calum and Luke would be exposing them to sex noises before the sun came up. They both seemed loose enough to be a little careless, and Michael didn’t really think much more of it as they all said goodnight and disappeared into their separate rooms.

Michael peeled his jacket off slowly, throwing it onto his suitcase before shedding his jeans and t-shirt, leaving him in boxer shorts. He ran his hand through his unruly blonde hair, and flopped down onto the bed.

“Tonight was great, wasn’t it?” Ashton asked, kicking off his shoes and started to undress.

“It was,” Michael agreed. “Felt like, I don’t know,” he mumbled.

Ashton let out a soft laugh, crawling onto the bed beside him. “How much did you have?”

Michael rolled his head towards Ashton and smiled. “A few beers past too many.”

Ashton reached up to brush his hair away his face, guiding the bleached strands back. “No puking,” he demanded seriously. “Should I get a trash can just in case?”

“Nah,” Michael sighed. “S’just beer. If it was tequila, then you probably should.”

Ashton buried his face in his pillow, letting out a soft sigh. “I’m so tired.”

“Yeah,” Michael mumbled, rolling onto his side to face Ashton. “Cuddle?”

Ashton lifted his head, his eyes on Michael’s face. “Do you think Luke and Cal…”

Michael looked above to the wall, and couldn’t hear anything. “Maybe,” he shrugged.

Ashton bit down on his lip, his eyes moving over Michael’s face. “S’almost like I can hear them.”

Michael felt his cheeks go red. It was the closest they’d come to talking about the incident, and the beer in Michael’s system told him to _go for it_.

“Think I can hear them now.”

Ashton’s eyes met his. “Yeah?”

Michael swallowed. “Yeah. What about you?”

Ashton considered the question, arching his head back and listened for a moment. “Yeah,” he finally whispered, eyes back on Michael’s face. “Can hear them, Mikey.”

Michael felt his stomach drop, could feel the easy calm he’d felt moments ago drip out of him as it was replaced with lust.

“Shit,” Ashton whispered, leaning over toward him, fingers stroking over the five o’clock shadow on Michael’s jaw.

“Just kiss me,” he breathed, his words rushed.

Ashton leant in almost immediately, pressing their mouths together in a somewhat chaste kiss, their mouths brushing together, getting a feel for each other’s lips.

And just like that, Michael could feel the desire thrumming through his veins, the _thank god this is happening again_ he didn’t realize he felt until that precise moment. He _wanted_ this, and if the way Ashton was kissing him was any indication, the other man wanted it too.

Ashton slid on top of him, all hard edges where Michael was soft and pliant. He was heavy, and Michael had _missed_ that feeling; of being underneath someone, of being kissed and touched and _desired_.

His hands moved to Ashton’s bare shoulders, smoothing over them slowly, memorizing the flex of his muscles, and the tightness of his skin.

Ashton settled against him, his tongue pressing slowly into Michael’s mouth, and the younger man let out a soft, embarrassing whimper.

Ashton laughed softly, pulling away. “You okay?”

“Have you ever slept with another guy?” Michael asked in a rush, his eyes wide as he stared up at Ashton.

His cheeks coloured, fingers reaching out to play with Michael’s hair again. “Yeah,” he answered flippantly, eyes avoiding Michael’s. “Not for a while, though.”

“Okay,” Michael said in a rush. “Is it bad that I want to?”

Ashton’s eyes found his, and he swallowed audibly. “I don’t think we should.”

Michael _knew_ that, he honestly did. But it didn’t mean he _cared_.

“We can’t,” Ashton whispered, his lips dragging over Michael’s jaw.

“Yeah,” Michael whimpered, arching his head back to give the other man more room. “But we could?”

Ashton groaned softly. “Let me just…let me get you off.”

Michael was suddenly aware that he was half hard, that Ashton was too and they were talking about getting off and _sex_ , and he wondered when things escalated so quickly, but he _wanted_ the other man, and he wanted _everything_.

“Fuck me, you can fuck me,” Michael said quickly, his fingers raking through Ashton’s hair, giving a sharp tug.

“We can’t,” Ashton insisted again, his voice weak.

“Then just fucking _touch_ me,” Michael whimpered.

Ashton kissed him, biting down on Michael’s bottom lip until he whimpered, his hands pawing at him quickly, tugging one side of his briefs down, exposing his hip bone.

 Michael’s hands were clumsy from the beer, sliding down Ashton’s back to his ass, grabbing him roughly and grinding their hips together.

Ashton groaned into his mouth, grabbing Michael’s thigh and tugged it upwards roughly, guiding it around his hip as he thrust against him quickly.

“Yes!” Michael gasped, tearing his mouth away from Ashton’s to press his face into his neck. “Don’t stop.”

“Song reference,” Ashton panted.

Michael groaned, digging his nails into Ashton’s rear. “Shut up.”

Ashton chuckled roughly, hand holding on tight to Michael’s thigh, shifting his hips so when they rocked together, their clothed erections rocked together in a perfect, desperate slide.

Michael cupped Ashton’s jaw and forced him into a bruising kiss, the other man falling happily into it. They got lost, kissing desperately as their bodies rocked together, and Michael wanted to _come_.

His hands were clumsy as they slid in under the waistband of Ashton’s boxers, pushing the fabric down below his ass.

“Lift,” he groaned.

Ashton did as he was told and Michael shoved his underwear down to his mid-thigh. “You too,” he groaned, hands peeling Michael’s briefs down his thighs, leaving them tangled around his knees.

“Shit,” Michael whispered, his underwear preventing him from spreading his legs, but he didn’t need to as Ashton’s erection slid against his, punching a moan out of him.

Ashton kissed him, swallowing the sound as he thrust against him, fingernails scratching at Michael’s hip.

The younger man yearned to part his legs, to wrap them around Ashton’s waist and rock against him, but he was trapped, and there was something about it that had him hiccupping into Ashton’s mouth, feeling how desperately hard they both were, and how much he wanted to come.

“C’mon,” Michael whispered. “Please, Ash. _Please_ ,” he begged.

“Jesus,” Ashton groaned, his hand pulling Michael’s hips up to meet his own. “Close?”

“Yes,” Michael gasped out, his eyes swimming as he looked up at the  man above him, the man who was going to make him come from his _toes_ , if it were possible.

His vision swam, his stomach tightened and the slickness of Ashton’s dick against his own was enough for Michael to lose it, Ashton’s hand closing over his mouth before he made a sound, and every groan and desperate gasp was lost into his skin.

Michael trembled, reaching up to pry Ashton’s hand away so he could kiss him, soft, shaky kisses as his body blissed out, his toes curling to the point of pain.

“God,” Ashton moaned softly.

Michael blinked heavily up at him, could see the determination in his eyes, and could feel the desperate rutting against him, Ashton’s dick sliding through the mess on his abdomen.

“Come,” Michael whispered tiredly, stroking his cheek gently. “Want you to.”

“Yeah,” Ashton groaned softly, his eyes falling shut. “Close.”

Michael lifted his head off the pillow and kissed over Ashton’s stubbled jaw, feeling the coarse hairs drag over his sensitive lips.

Ashton cried out into his neck, biting down on the skin softly as he shuddered and came, and Michael could _feel_ it against his skin, his warm seed that splashed over his skin, and Michael trembled at the feel of it, wishing he could get it up straight away for round two.

“Shit,” Ashton mumbled as he slumped against Michael, head pressed into his neck, hand stroking down his thigh. “That was incredible.”

“Yeah,” Michael mumbled into his hair, palms flat against his back and slid down slowly over his skin.

They lay there in silence, and Michael knew he should be freaking out. That they’d fabricated the sounds of their friends having sex so they could get each other off and it should be _weird_ , and _wrong_ , but Michael felt kind of satisfied and tired, and incredibly comfortable, despite all six feet of Ashton Irwin on top of him.

They lay there so long Michael was sure Ashton  had fallen asleep, and was alarmed when he moved suddenly, lifting his head so he could look at Michael.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Michael nodded softly. “I mean, are you?”

“Yeah,” Ashton smiled. “I just…do we need to talk about this?”

“Yeah?” Michael shrugged. “Probably, it’d be the smartest thing. But hey…tomorrow? We’ll talk?”

Ashton leant down to kiss him softly, the heat and passion fading away into comfort, and it was that soft kiss that took Michael’s breath away.

“Tomorrow,” Ashton whispered gently, pecking his lips a few more times. “You wanna shower?”

“Nah,” Michael mumbled.

Ashton smiled, rolling off of him, and Michael got a look at the mess on his stomach. It made him bite down on his tender bottom lip, and he reached off the side of the bed for a discarded shirt, wiping himself over before cleaning Ashton up too.

“Thanks,” the older man mumbled.

Michael smiled and dropped the shirt back onto the floor and rolled toward Ashton, curling against his side, kicking his underwear off.

“We should sleep, yeah?” Ashton mumbled.

The idea of it made Michael yawn, and he nodded his head, throwing his arm over Ashton’s chest. “Night, Ash.”

Ashton pressed a kiss to his forehead. “G’night, Mikey.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS! I feel so much love, it's incredible! I'm so glad you're all loving the Mashton, it's so underrated and I am doing my best to turn that around!
> 
> Keep leaving your thoughts, I love reading them! (With the time difference, I get to read them all when I wake up, and it's so awesome to see so many little comments waiting for me!)
> 
> Special thanks to dreamforlife, reader000, halfhuman2214, ArdeaPurpurea, rejectclifford, daisy_maus, michaelhood, awfuldaycupcake and irwah for their comments!
> 
> xoxo


	7. Chapter Seven

“We’re meant to be talking,” Michael gasped softly, fingers running through Ashton’s hair.

The older man grunted, his hands running down over Michael’s hips, pinning him to the closed door of their room.

It had been Michael’s intention to catch Ashton before they went downstairs, unable to get what had happened between them the night before, out of his head. But the moment he’d said anything, Ashton had kissed him, and then all of a sudden they were both half hard and pawing at each other.

“Ash,” Michael tried softly. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah,” Ashton groaned softly. “We do, I just…I can’t stop,” he mumbled.

Michael felt his cheeks heat up and he smiled, kissing his lips gently. “Maybe we should separate? Talk this through?”

Ashton pulled away slowly, rubbing absentmindedly at his crotch. “Yeah, okay,” he nodded, moving backwards to sit down on the bed.

Michael smiled, feeling as though his bottom lip was swollen. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at his bare feet for a moment.

“Last night was something else,” he began softly. “I mean, I know we’d both been drinking, but it was _good_ , right?”

“Very,” Ashton nodded. “Are you alright with it?”

“Yeah,” Michael nodded. “I just don’t want to mess up our friendship or the band.”

“We can stop,” Ashton admitted softly. “If it’s too much.”

Michael knew they should. He knew no good could come out of hooking up with one of his best friends without a second thought, especially considering the band and how much time they actually spent with one another.

“I don’t want to stop,” Michael admitted honestly, shifting his weight to his left foot from his right. “I mean, is there any way to do this and keep it uncomplicated?”

“It’s just sex,” Ashton offered. “I mean, if we just keep it about sex?”

Michael wanted to ask about Bryanna, wanted to know why _she_ wasn’t the one Ashton was having sex with. But it wasn’t the time, and he knew that when he asked, he’d get an answer that would divulge too much, and he wasn’t ready.

“Just sex,” Michael repeated. “Yeah, okay. I can do that.”

Ashton nodded. “Good, then. Just sex.”

Michael sucked in a breath, nodding his head. “Just sex.”

**

Michael let out a soft groan as he was barrelled into by Luke Hemmings. The younger man was shoving him away from the coffee machine set up in the corner of the green room they were currently hanging out in, and kept shoving at him until he’d pushed Michael into the bathroom.

“Jesus,” Michael whined, shoving at Luke. “Was that really necessary?”

Luke ignored him, shoving open the stall doors to make sure they were alone. “Is you fooling around with Ash _necessary_?” he shot back.

Michael’s face went red, and he leant up against the sinks, avoiding Luke’s piercing gaze. “Uh, what do you mean?” he asked weakly.

Luke rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “I _mean_ , ever since last week, you two are getting it on every night!”

Michael groaned, having been foolish enough to think that no one outside of him and Ashton would know what was exactly going on. But Luke _had_ been throwing him _looks_ ever since he’d walked into the kitchen back in their LA house a few days before and Ashton had been leaning up against Michael with his eyes shut, silence engulfing  them as they waited for the coffee to brew.

“Does Calum know?”

“ _That’s_ the question you’re asking?” Luke asked, raising his eyebrows. “Michael, what’s going on?”

“Oh, you can sleep with Calum but I can’t sleep with Ash?”

“I’m _in love_ with Calum!” Luke hissed, his cheeks going pink. “Like, officially and shit, okay?”

Michael held back a snarky comment, and pursed his lips together. “I really don’t pry into you and Cal, so can you not pry into me and Ash?”

“You don’t have to pry because we were always honest about what we were. You guys are sneaking around and it’s getting obvious, okay? You’re lucky Calum is a heavy sleeper, otherwise he’d know too.”

Michael felt a strange sort of relief pass over him, at the idea of Calum not knowing. Michael wasn’t sure why that was so important to him, but it set his anxious mind at ease.

“What’s going on?” Luke asked softly. “What happened with Bryanna?”

“I don’t know,” Michael admitted. “About Bryanna, anyway. Ash and I are just…we’re just hanging out.”

“ _Hanging out_?” Luke repeated. “How deep are you into hanging out?”

Michael could feel his cheeks heat up, and tried not to imagine all the _hanging out_ they’d been doing over the past week. Making out, messy handjobs, desperate teenage grinding…Michael had lost count of how many times he’d bought Ashton to orgasm, and he wasn’t willing to give it up.

“Are you having sex?” Luke asked softly. “Are you being _safe_?”

Michael groaned. “Really?” he demanded, a frown on his face. “What about you and Cal, hm? Are you being _safe_?” he demanded sarcastically.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Yes, we practice safe sex,” he snipped. “But that’s not what we’re talking about right now.”

“We’re not having sex,” Michael said quickly, his eyes flicking to the door as if he expected Calum and Ashton to burst through, and take this conversation to a deeper, more humiliating level. “At least not _all the way_ sex.”

“Are you going to?”

Michael sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “Why do you care? Why is this such a thing? Are you _jealous_?”

Luke snorted, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated manner, his cheeks pink. “ _No,_ I’m not _jealous_ ,” he scoffed.

Michael paused, watching as Luke shifted his feet, and kept his eyes on a point over Michael’s shoulder. He was _nervous_ , and in classic Luke style, he was _lying_ , and Michael wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

“Luke,” he said softly, surprising himself. He figured he’d be mean, as per his usual tactic, but something about Luke’s demeanour told him to be nice. “Is there something going on?”

Luke swallowed. “Can I tell you something without you making fun of me?”

That hurt a little more than Michael thought it would, and he hated that Luke even thought he would.

“You can tell me anything.”

Luke sighed, easing up onto the counter and picked at the inner seam of his jeans. “When we were in high school, I had a crush on you.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

“No, you don’t,” Luke said softly. “I would talk Calum’s ear off about you when I was trying to hate you in year ten, and then when we finally became friends and started the band, I sort of like…loved you.”

Michael’s lips parted, his jaw immobile as he _gaped_ at Luke.

“But the band got big I knew nothing would ever happen, and I forced myself to get over it.”

“You loved me?” Michael asked softly. “Really?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Luke sighed. “We became best friends and I knew that I’d always love you, but it wasn’t so much romantic love, you know? You’re probably the one person that knows the most about me, and I thought that I’d be able to tell you anything, and vice versa.”

Michael reached out and squeezed his knee. “I’m sorry.”

“I love Calum,” Luke said softly. “You _know_ that right?”

“Of course I do.”

“You’re my best friend, and I’m upset at you because you didn’t come to me and tell me about this stuff with Ashton. I had to _ask_.”

“Hey,” Michael said softly. “In all fairness, you never told me about Calum. Neither of you did.”

Luke looked down at Michael’s hand. “Will you please just talk to me about this from now on? Because we used to tell each other everything, even the bad stuff.”

Michael stepped into the space between Luke’s knees and curled his arms around the younger man’s waist. “It goes both ways,” he mumbled into Luke’s chest. “You tell me, I tell you.”

“Alright,” Luke agreed, nuzzling in against Michael’s shoulder, his beard grazing his neck.

“Can we stop being so gay, though?” Michael mumbled.

Luke let out a soft laugh. “I guess. Though, we’re all _really_ gay now, I suppose. Like, we’re all fucking each other.”

“I’m not fucking anyone, technically,” Michael pointed out. “For example, we’re not fucking.”

Luke shoved at him weakly. “You’re a shit, you know that?”

Michael let him go and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “A shit you had a crush on,” he teased.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Clearly telling you that was a mistake.”

Michael took a few steps back, shrugging his shoulders and poking his tongue out at Luke. “In the spirit of honesty, how are things with you and Calum?”

Luke smiled. “They’re good. He’s a very good boyfriend, and we did the whole _I love you_ thing last weekend.”

“That’s great,” Michael said sincerely. “See, that’s what I want.”

“With Ashton?”

Michael shifted uncomfortably. “No? We’re just…it’s comfortable to be with him.”

“Wow, nice,” Luke said sarcastically. “You shouldn’t be with someone because it’s _comfortable_. It should be passionate and desperate and like you can’t live without them.”

“Yeah well, not everyone finds their soulmate at nineteen.”

Luke smirked, sliding down off the sink. “Maybe they do,” he winked, and strolled out of the bathroom.

**

Michael felt warm inside for the rest of the day, after his bathroom talk with Luke. Sometimes he forgot just how far back they went, how much they’d been through, and how _lucky_ he was to be with his best friends on the craziest ride of his life.

He’d been smiley throughout all their promo interviews – and all over Luke – and by the time they were at dinner with their extended group of friends, he was just completely _overjoyed_.

They’d released their second album to amazing reviews, they had a world tour to look forward to, and every little thing they touched, seemed to turn to gold. He couldn’t believe his life, couldn’t believe that the three dorks by his side had not only made an incredible album, but were incredible _people_.

“ _I love you guys, so, so much_ ,” he’d whined at dinner, rubbing his face up against Calum’s chest, and pawing as Ashton’s bicep.

And while he was so exhausted from jet lag and a punishing promo schedule, he got to go home with his best friends.

There was something about saying goodnight to Luke and Calum, and stepping inside his bedroom to find Ashton waiting for him that made it even _better_ , if it were possible.

“Hey.”

Ashton smiled. “Hey yourself. Shower?”

Michael considered the question, knowing that his plans of a morning shower had fallen through for almost the entire week, because he could never get out of bed on time, and barely had time for coffee by the time he _did_ wake up before they had to be out the door.

But he was so tired that he didn’t think he couldn’t stand, but Ashton’s offer didn’t sound like he’d be showering _alone_ , so he nodded tiredly.

“So we have time off tomorrow,” Ashton said softly as he gathered up clean underwear.

Michael watched him, leaning heavily against the desk pressed against the wall that was littered with clothes. “Yeah?”

Ashton looked up at him quickly, before looking away. “I thought maybe we could do something? Just you and me?”

Michael felt the warmth in his chest again, and he nodded. “Yeah, like what?”

“We could drive up to San Francisco? Get a room for the night and see Alcatraz on Wednesday?”

Michael smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. “That sounds cool. We never got to see it when we passed through last time.”

Ashton nodded, hooking a curl behind his ear. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. “

Michael watched as Ashton grabbed a t-shirt for himself, and then snagged a second pair of boxers – for Michael, presumably – and headed for the door.

Michael watched him go, appreciating the view before following him across the hall.

There was music coming from Luke and Calum’s room, but it was too low for Michael to make out what it was, but he figured it was on to cover any sounds the two guys were making, and the idea that _everyone_ in the band would be getting off that night was kind of rewarding.

“C’mere,” Ashton murmured once the door was shut and the water was running.

Michael stepped closer to him, into his waiting embrace before their mouths met softly, making up for lost time. His hands went to Ashton’s waist, curling in the fabric of his t-shirt gently, pulling him closer.

They kissed slowly, Ashton’s hands gripping Michael’s hips before sliding over his ass, pushing him gently against the sink.

Michael wasn’t surprised anymore at how easy it was to fall into Ashton. All it took was a few kisses before he was completely gone, and by the time Ashton had undressed them both and guided him into the shower, Michael was _desperate_.

Ashton’s hand was wrapped around him, stroking him much slower than Michael wanted, but the touch was electric, and there was something about the slow burn in his stomach that drove him crazy. His hands were flat against the tiled wall, far too overwhelmed to touch back, even though he could feel Ashton hard and hot against his hip.

“Okay, so,” Michael panted out softly, balling his hands into fists. “I knew you were great with your hands before, but Jesus, Ash,” he said quickly. “Seriously.”

Ashton laughed softly, his long fingers tightening around Michael gently. “Thanks?”

“How am I ever supposed to watch you drum and know where your hands have been?”

“Jesus,” Ashton groaned softly, kissing over Michael’s wet shoulder.

Michael could feel the water washing down over them, the temperature definitely a little cooler from when they stepped in. He could imagine Luke bitching in the morning, the scowl on his face when Michael would no doubt make a smart ass comment about it.

Ashton’s hand left him suddenly, and Michael whined, momentarily considering doing the job himself before Ashton was manhandling him; grabbing his hips and pulling them away from the wall, pulling one of Michael’s legs up over his hip.

Michael almost slipped, his hands gripping the older man’s shoulders. “If I fall and die, you have to explain it to management,” he mumbled.

Ashton laughed, kissing him messily. “Trust me, it’ll be worth it.”

Michael rolled his eyes, his lips parting to refute the statement before he felt the slick head of Ashton’s dick, press between his ass cheeks.

“Oh my _God_ ,” he groaned.

“Ssh,” Ashton whispered shakily, pulling on his hips again, and Michael wrapped both arms around his neck, holding on tightly.

Michael could remember the last time he’d had sex.

It had started in June, when they were _home_ , and Michael had totally let Derek from State Champs go to third base backstage at their Brisbane show. It had been a week of built up sexual tension that he hadn’t even _tried_ to fight before he was tugging the other man into a bathroom after State Champs had played, and pressed a condom and some cheap hotel lotion into his hand before he tugged his skinny jeans down to his knees.

It wasn’t the last time, and they’d managed to almost get busted another three times before their bands were parting ways and Michael was forced into celibacy before they headed off to the States for the US leg.

He’d sort of put it out of his mind, because the US tour had been _hard_ , and he was barely able to muster the energy to jerk off in his bunk, let alone finding someone to fuck, and it hadn’t even really been a problem until the tour had ended and he’d had two weeks of bro bonding with Calum in Florida when he realized that he _missed_ it.

It didn’t help that Calum was pouting over Luke twenty-four seven, and making soft comments of how he _should’ve_ gone back to LA with him, and that he _should’ve_ gone home early, too. They’d sort of had words because of it, because Michael was sick of feeling like a second prize, and that if Calum wanted to fuck Luke so bad, he should fuck off back to Sydney.

Things had evened out after that, and they’d genuinely had an awesome time together, but the way that Calum would talk softly on the phone to Luke at odd times during the day made Michael pout and miss that connection with someone.

He wanted to get laid, and it was absolutely frustrating that he didn’t have any viable options. He couldn’t pick up a fan, he just couldn’t open himself up to the possibility that not every person out there was _good_ , that a picture of his balls could end up on the internet and how was he supposed to explain that to his parents?

_Sorry, mum, but I needed to get fucked so bad I picked up a shady dude who said he was a 5SOS fan but it turns out he filmed the entire, desperate thing?_

No _way_ would he _ever_ compromise himself like that.

It just wasn’t worth it.

Which was a total _lie_ , because Michael was a _nineteen year old dude,_ and he had _needs_.

Derek was in the UK, Harry Styles was somewhere in the world, and there was really no one else Michael had on speed dial for sex.

So now that he had Ashton – praise fucking _God_ – he was getting so much sex it was feeding the needy, desperate Michael from two months ago and that version of himself was _grateful_.

But they hadn’t had sex yet.

Michael tried not to think about it – a blatant _lie_ – because grinding on your best friend and jerking each other off was a lot less heavy than _sex_ , and Michael couldn’t even deny that he wanted to throw caution to the wind and beg Ashton to fuck him.

And as Ashton started to rock his hips – and Michael could feel his dick fucking over his ass slow and dirty – he was unable to really _stop_ himself, rocking back almost immediately to encourage the hot press of him.

“Michael,” Ashton whispered softly, one hand curled around Michael’s thigh draped over him, the other on his hip, mouth pressing against his chest as he rocked.

It reminded Michael of sex with Derek, but there was something so much _better_ because it was with _Ashton_.

Michael hiccupped, pressing his face against Ashton’s cheek, his teeth almost chattering he was so overwhelmed.

“W-we should,” he moaned softly. “We should _do_ this.”

Ashton kissed over his throat, sucking gently at the spot below Michael’s earlobe. “San Francisco, yeah?”

Michael moaned; suddenly understanding that the need to go to San Francisco wasn’t Alcatraz related. He doubted they’d even leave their hotel room, and he _got it,_ now.

The desperate passion he felt inside of himself; that needy, clawing insistence that he _touch_ Ashton, every hour of the goddamn _day_ , was reciprocated.

It made Michael feel a little nauseous, even as Ashton manhandled him roughly, rocking his hips faster to press between Michael’s cheeks, the water from the shower making the slide smoother. They had the passion Luke had mentioned earlier, and it was slightly scary, but Michael could forget about it, especially as Ashton’s mouth found his in a slow kiss.

He tightened his grip around the older man’s neck, arching his back to press closer against him, to feel friction against his needy erection between them. He whimpered, feeling Ashton grope over his ass, pulling him down into harsher, stronger movements.

Michael lost time, lost track of almost everything until he was coming and dragging Ashton over the edge with him, feeling him release against his ass, could feel the wet that wasn’t the shower and he moaned softly, his arms and legs turning to jelly.

Ashton held him close, letting his leg drop down to the tiled floor, reaching out to turn off the shower, taking the noise of the water with it. Michael could suddenly hear how heavy his breathing was, could feel the way his fingers shook against Ashton’s shoulders.

“You okay?” the older man mumbled softly, pressing kisses over Michael’s bare shoulder.

“Y-yeah,” he stammered out, though he didn’t _feel_ okay.

He felt exhausted, like they’d stood for hours in the embrace, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to dry himself and get dressed, his limbs heavy like lead.

Ashton’s mouth found his in a soft kiss, the older man’s hands running up Michael’s sides, warming his damp skin.

“Ash,” Michael whispered, pulling away from the kiss to bury his face in his neck, hugging him close.

Ashton smiled, his hands gentle. “You tired?”

Michael nodded, shivering slightly as a chill settled into the room.

“C’mon.”

Ashton was so careful, pulling away and helping Michael out of the shower, and dried him slowly. Michael only bothered pulling on boxers and barely let Ashton do the same before he was pulling him into a kiss and they were spilling out into the hallway, stumbling into Ashton’s room and shutting the door.

Shutting out the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe over 1200 people have read this story! What an amazing feeling that is! I appreciate it so much. :)
> 
> Please feel free to leave a comment, it's so rewarding and makes me happy!
> 
> Special thanks to rejectclifford, foolanyfriend, irwah, dreamforlife, angstymuke, Icantstayinmylane, shutupluke, daisy_maus, ArdeaPurpurea, reader000 and awfuldaycupcake for their awesome comments!
> 
> xoxo


	8. Chapter Eight

Ever since Ashton had told him in a soft, excited voice that _hey, Mikey I booked a hotel down near the wharf for tonight_ , Michael had kind of felt sick.

Not throw up sick, which was different. It was like his head was filled with rocks, and his fingers were constantly numb and something kept twisting in his stomach and it sort of felt like a knife.

If Michael knew what it felt like to be stabbed, he figured.

There was a part of him that thought the suggestion of San Francisco was just a flippant remark, something they wouldn’t make happen because they were so goddamn busy, but Ashton had done it. Explained that they had two days off, and they wanted to see Alcatraz.

Michael was paranoid that everyone _knew_ , but apart from Luke’s intense stare, everyone just accepted it, and made sure that their security team knew where they were staying, what they planned on doing, and prepared a fall back plan if something were to go wrong.

Michael almost wanted to tell them not to bother, it wasn’t like they would be leaving the hotel.

But the moment he thought of that – of what they’d be _doing_ – his cheeks would go bright red and he’d start coughing.

He knew there was no way he was going to make it to San Francisco without talking to someone, and while Luke _knew_ mostly about Ashton, Michael found himself cornering Calum.

“Hey dude, you packed for your little road trip?”

Michael grabbed Calum’s upper arm, tugging him upstairs to the second floor of the house, where he could no longer hear Ashton and Luke’s voices.

“Mikey?”

“I have to tell you something,” Michael whispered quickly. “You might be upset.”

Calum raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “What did you do?”

Michael felt guilty, like he was _cheating_ , and maybe he was. He was cheating on their friendship for not saying anything, and Michael was forever grateful that he could defend himself by turning the heat back onto Calum, if it came to that.

“So,” Michael began softly. “For the past few weeks I’ve sort of been hooking up with Ashton.”

He thought it would be harder to say, that he’d stumble over the words and embarrass himself and end up possibly throwing up.

He was kind of proud that he got it all out in one go.

Calum frowned, his lips parting momentarily before his eyes were narrowing. “I’m sorry, _what_?”

Michael sighed impatiently. “Me and Ash; rubbing our dicks together for a while?”

Calum made a disgusted face before rolling his eyes. “Ashton?” he queried. “You and _Ashton_?”

“Me and Ashton,” Michael confirmed softly. “I need you to just catch up, because we have to go soon and I need advice.”

Calum was still confused, still a little slow on the uptake, but he nodded his head. “Okay?”

Michael knew he owed him a much more detailed explanation, but he had a feeling Calum would talk to Luke about it anyway, and hopefully Luke could fill in the blanks.

“We’re going away together to have sex.”

Calum’s confusion deepened, his mouth permanently hanging open.

“Cal, say _something_ ,” Michael pleaded.

“You and _Ashton_?” he repeated.

Michael threw up his hands. “Should’ve talked to Luke,” he muttered.

“No, hey, wait,” Calum said, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt. “Let me just catch up here. You dropped a bomb.”

“Fine,” Michael muttered.

“So, you and Ash have been fooling around?” he questioned.

Michael nodded.

“But you haven’t had sex?”

“No, s’why we’re going away, I think. I mean, that’s the impression I get, and I just, I was on board but now I’m freaking out because having _actual_ sex with him changes things.”

“And rubbing your dicks together doesn’t?” Calum questioned. “Jesus, what were you thinking?”

Michael straightened his back, a frown settling on his face. “What was I thinking?” he repeated. “What were _you_ thinking when you hooked up with Luke?”

“Uh, that I was like, in love with him?” Calum answered. “Is that what’s going on with you and Ash?”

“No!” Michael said quickly. “We’re just…it’s mutually beneficial! Things must’ve fizzled out with Bryanna, and you know how long it’s been for me. It’s just convenient. It’s _good_.”

“So what advice do you need?”

“Does me sleeping with him mean it could wreck the band?”

“I don’t know,” Calum answered slowly. “I had the same fear before Luke and I slept together for the first time.”

“But it worked out,” Michael pointed out. “So, I should go for it?”

“I didn’t say that,” Calum said diplomatically. “I think no one can answer that question but you and Ash.”

Michael whined, feeling frustrated. He just wanted Calum to tell him to _do_ it, that it was _fine_.

“Sorry, dude,” Calum shrugged.

“Michael! You ready?”

Michael looked toward the staircase at the sound of Ashton’s voice, and he looked at Calum with panic in his eyes.

“You know the answer,” Calum shrugged.

“Michael?”

“Be right down!” Michael called, his voice a little _too_ loud.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Michael looked back at Calum, and could see the hurt in his eyes. _This_ was why he should’ve talked to Luke.

“You never told me about Lu-“

“Okay, that needs to stop being a thing,” Calum interrupted. “Is it payback? I didn’t tell you, so you didn’t tell me?”

“No,” Michael said softly. “It just happened really fast.”

“Well, you suck,” Calum said plainly. “For not telling me. That violates the bro code.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said honestly. “I guess I just…you and Luke are in love. My shit with Ashton is just different, it’s not important.”

“It is,” Calum said softly. “Did I make you feel like you couldn’t come to me about this because I’m dating Luke?”

“No,” Michael assured him. “I just didn’t want to bother you when you’re happy.”

“You’re such a dick,” Calum sighed, and pulled Michael into a hug. “Have a nice night, okay?”

Michael’s fingers felt numb again, and he was tempted to pull the plug because he was so _not_ ready to deal with this.

“Don’t do it if you’re not serious,” Calum mumbled. “Don’t do that to him, or to yourself.”

Michael nodded, squeezing Calum tightly before letting him go, and disappeared down the stairs.

**

Michael let out a shaky, measured breath as he stepped into the hotel suite Ashton had organized, his eyes landing on the twin queen beds and the crisp blue linen, and Michael was _positive_ he was getting fucked on one of them before the night was through.

He jumped when Ashton’s hands landed on his hips, curling around him from behind. “You okay?”

Michael knew he’d been kind of quiet in the car, the five hour drive a little _too_ long when he was trapped in his head. They’d talked – and held hands – and Michael hadn’t hesitated to lean over and kiss Ashton when they’d stopped for snacks in Wheeler Ridge, but he had been preoccupied.

“Tell me it won’t change the band,” Michael mumbled, closing his eyes and resting his hands over Ashton’s.

The older man kissed his shoulder. “We don’t have to.”

“I want to,” Michael insisted quickly. “Jesus, Ash, you know how much I want to. I just think about the band, and if things will be the same.”

Ashton turned him, taking Michael’s bag out of his hands and let it drop to the floor. He cupped his face, leaning in to kiss over his mouth gently. “We can go to Alcatraz.”

Michael snorted, reaching up to wrap his arms around Ashton’s neck. “Yeah, right. You know Luke will talk our ear off about it if we do. We could barely get him to shut up when he actually went.”

“I talked to him about it,” Ashton mumbled.

Michael smiled. “Us?”

“Said he already knew?” Ashton smiled, arms wrapping around Michael’s waist.

“Sorry I didn’t say anything,” Michael mumbled. “Luke kind of picked it, I didn’t have to tell him. But, I did tell Calum this morning.”

“We’re one big, gay band, hey?”

Michael smiled. “I think it works, you know?”

Ashton kissed him, their lips sliding together easily. “You wanna go get dinner?” he murmured.

Michael wanted to say _no_ , to strip them both bare and go all the way with Ashton, but he _was_ hungry, and he needed another hour or so to get over his nerves. So he nodded, pressing kisses along Ashton’s stubbled jawline and tried to quell his anxiety.

**

It started in the elevator.

After they’d shared a cheeseburger at iHop, and had to avoid holding hands as they walked along the wharf back to the hotel. They’d been stopped twice by fans, and Michael had stuttered and stammered over his answer when they asked what they were doing in San Francisco, and he was epically relieved when Ashton had smoothly told them of their love of Alcatraz.

It wasn’t even _sexy_ , watching Ashton smile widely at their fans, curling his arm around their shoulders as they posed for pictures, sharing a giggle and short conversations before they were parting ways, and Michael was tugging Ashton in the direction of their hotel.

They’d walked through the lobby to get to the elevators, and stepped into the empty cage, Ashton pressing the button for their floor.

Michael had watched the numbers climb, trying to keep in his ragged breaths and his eyes _off_ Ashton, because his self-control was waning at an alarming rate.

He was so busy thinking of other things that when Ashton practically body checked him into the wall of the elevator, he let out a surprised groan, his eyes wide as their mouths crashed together.

Ashton’s teeth bit down painfully on his bottom lip and Michael groaned, because he couldn’t even deal with the ferocity of Ashton’s kiss, but he wanted desperately to undress him and fall into something new, to _start_ something new.

“Mikey,” Ashton groaned, his fingers pressing up underneath Michael’s shirt to tug at his belt buckle, unbuckling it quickly.

“Shit,” Michael gasped, wanting to stop him and remind they were in an _elevator_ but Michael was _gone_.

He was happy to bend over for Ashton right then and there, and there was nothing anyone could say to convince him otherwise. He had his hand cupping Ashton through his jeans when the doors slid open, and by some strange sense of luck, the hallway was empty.

“C’mon,” Ashton hurried, leaving Michael’s belt unbuckled and his fly unzipped, and took his hand as they stepped onto the plush carpet and almost _ran_ down the hall.

Michael wasn’t sure why _he_ was left in charge of their room key, because his fingers were numb and trying to slide the card into the mechanism was almost impossible, and it didn’t help that Ashton was slipping his hands inside his underwear, groping over his ass.

Michael whined, shoving the key into the reader and whimpered when the light went green, and they fell into their room.

Ashton kicked the door shut – _loudly_ – and Michael grabbed at him, shoving his jacket off his shoulders quickly, any sense of taking things slow left behind in the lobby. Michael wanted hard and fast and _now_.

Luckily Ashton was on the same page, his hands quickly finishing the job of getting Michael’s pants undone, shoving at the tight denim quickly.

They were tripping and cursing and trying to make their way to the bed, and Michael groaned as he hip checked the wall, catching his socked toe on the skirting board before he was tumbling down onto one of the beds, Ashton landing on top of him.

“Jesus, _shit_ ,” Michael panted out. “Fuck me, Ash.”

“Yeah,” Ashton nodded, kneeling up and grabbing a hold of Michael’s jeans and roughly tugged them down.

The force of his movements had Michael whimpering and sliding down the bed, his skin flaring a soft shade of pink, parting his legs once the restrictive denim was out of the way.

Ashton leant down, capturing his mouth in another heated kiss, fingers slipping underneath the waistband of Michael’s underwear, pushing it down slowly.

Michael whimpered, lifting his hips to make the task easier, getting his own hands on Ashton’s shirt, breaking away from the kiss to get it up and off. It was like seeing Ashton shirtless for the first time, all defined muscles and soft chest hair and hard nipples.

“Pants,” Michael panted out, undoing Ashton’s quickly. “Help.”

Ashton let out a soft, deep laugh. “You’re kind of cute,” he commented, sitting back on his heels as he unbuttoned his pants, sliding the fly down and then stood to tug them off completely.

Michael pushed himself up onto his elbows, naked from the waist down and _painfully_ hard, and he bit down on his bottom lip. “Boxers.”

Ashton looked up at him from underneath his messy hair, a smirk curling onto his lips as his hands settled over the waistband of his underwear. “Yeah?”

Michael nodded, admiring the obvious shape of Ashton’s erection through the thin fabric, wanting to _see_ him, and _touch_.

Ashton curled his thumbs in the waistband, his eyes on Michael as he slowly lowered them, exposing his sharp hipbones, then the thatch of dirty blonde hair before his dick was free; hard, red and _leaking_ and Michael _moaned_.

Ashton laughed softly, leaning over to kiss him quickly before pulling away, almost strutting over to his overnight bag, unzipping it and digging around in it until he found the lube and a brand new box of condoms.

Michael raised a brow. He had no idea how Ashton had found time to shop for _condoms_ , when their schedule had been so crazy lately. He noticed idly – or maybe _not_ so idly – that they were _extra-large_ , and Michael wanted him.

“When’d you last?” Ashton murmured, ripping the plastic packaging off the box of condoms and tore into it, grabbing one out and abandoned the box, crawling back onto the bed.

“Four months,” Michael admitted, and it sounded like a crazy long time. It hadn’t felt like that, but now that he’d said it out loud, he almost felt _virginal_.

“Derek, right?”

Michael raised his eyebrows, watching Ashton spill lube onto his fingers before abandoning the bottle. “You knew?”

“You’re vocal,” Ashton shrugged.

Michael felt his cheeks heat up and he looked away. It suddenly made sense then, when Tyler wouldn’t make eye contact with him after he was done with Derek, that their little bouts of weakness wasn’t as subtle as he thought.

“I’ll go slow,” Ashton promised, leaning down to kiss over Michael’s jaw gently, his hand pushing his thighs open obscenely.

Michael didn’t want slow, but he also didn’t want to be ripped in half, so he nodded shakily, easing himself up when Ashton moved to take off his shirt, leaving him completely bare on the aqua coloured bedspread.

He was so soft compared to Ashton, his belly pale where Ashton’s was tight, sculptured. He wanted to cover himself or _apologize_ , but Ashton was leaning down to kiss his jaw before kissing down his neck and over his chest.

“Ash,” Michael panted softly, his fingers moving to comb through his messy hair. He gasped loudly when he felt Ashton’s fingers press between his cheeks, the promise of what was to come in the soft, barely-there touch.

“You’re so fucking incredible,” Ashton whispered into his stomach, biting at the soft skin. He wrapped his left arm around Michael’s thigh, holding him tight, fingers on his right hand brushing over his entrance.

Michael’s grip in his hair was painfully tight, and he tugged – _hard_ – whenever Ashton’s fingers would press against him, _teasing_ him. He was panting harshly, almost gasping for breath, torn between the feel of Ashton’s fingers, or his mouth dragging over his abdomen, biting at the skin softly before sucking a mark below his belly button.

It was sensory overload, and by the time Ashton’s index finger _was_ pushing into him, Michael was _sobbing._

“You’re doing so well,” Ashton praised, mouth sucking a mark into his hipbone, his finger starting a slow pace.

Simple in-and-out movements, touching all the places inside of Michael that hadn’t been touched in _so_ long, and Michael was ready to come, just from Ashton’s long finger.

He was hiccupping when Ashton’s finger left him altogether, and re-entered him with _two._ He tugged at the older man’s hair, reaching down to scratch his nails over the back of Ashton’s hand that was holding onto his thigh.

“You okay?” Ashton breathed, pressing kisses against the milky white skin of Michael’s inner thigh, avoiding the hard length in his face.

“Y-yeah,” Michael panted, eyes on the ceiling. “Feels so good.”

Ashton’s tongue pressed against his thigh again, dragging slowly over his skin as his fingers curled and scissored inside of him, and Michael couldn’t handle it.

“Ash,” he whimpered, looking down at the other man between his legs.

Ashton looked up, a warm, comforting smile on his face.

Michael returned it. “Wanna kiss you.”

Ashton let go of his thigh, pulled his fingers out gently and crawled up Michael’s body to kiss him slowly, their tongues meeting as Michael’s legs lifted to wrap around Ashton’s hips.

“Want you,” Michael whined out softly.

“You need more prep,” Ashton whispered.

Michael knew that was probably true. But he did feel wet between his legs, he felt relaxed and desperate for it, and he wasn’t willing to wait.

“M’okay,” he mumbled, kissing Ashton’s lips. “I’m ready.”

Ashton hesitated, hands mapping over Michael’s body from his hips to his ribs. “You sure?”

Michael’s stomach bottomed out and he nodded, fingers numb as they combed through Ashton’s hair.

“Okay,” Ashton whispered, pressing another kiss to his lips before his hands were untangling Michael’s legs from around his waist so he could sit back, picking up the discarded condom.

Michael bit his lip, looking at Ashton’s strong thighs, and his erect cock – red, throbbing, _big_ – and he had to keep his mouth shut to trap the moans inside. The picture before him was _stunning_ , and only became more beautiful as Ashton tore open the condom packet, and rolled the latex onto himself slowly.

“You sure?”

Michael nodded quickly, and knew it was the point of no return. He was about to have sex – all the goddamn way sex – with one of his best friends and he _knew_ he should be worried, like he had been that morning when  he’d tried to seek approval from Calum.

But the truth was, nothing felt _wrong_ when he was with Ashton.

It was what he was thinking about when the older man’s hands were sliding down his thighs, over his ass and tugged Michael towards him just a little before leaning over him, supporting himself on one hand while the other took hold of himself, and nudged between Michael’s cheeks to slide hotly over his entrance.

Michael whimpered, his legs parting further, turning his face into Ashton’s arm that was by his face, digging his teeth into the soft skin of his forearm.

“Look at me,” Ashton panted.

Michael did what he was told, looking up into those dark hazel eyes, the lust and want in them obvious.

“Good boy,” Ashton whispered softly, guiding himself inside of Michael slowly, the head of him breaching his body before he stopped.

Michael gasped, fingers curling around Ashton’s wrist while his other hand grabbed at the bedspread.

“More?”

He nodded quickly, teeth closed over his bottom lip as Ashton kept going, sinking inside of Michael so slow it was almost painful, but the younger man could feel the pleasure all the way down to his toes.

He was gasping, his head tipped back and his eyes on the ceiling and he didn’t know what to _do_.

Ashton leant down, his mouth dragging over Michael’s exposed throat, his hips coming to a slow stop – all the way inside.

“You okay?”

Michael thought hearing that question over and over would get annoying. But the way Ashton said it; the softness in his voice, the genuine care. It made Michael blush when he thought about it.

That this was _Ashton_.

“Jesus,” he whispered, a laugh bubbling up his throat, escaping in a gasping sort of giggle, moving his head so he could look up at Ashton.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, brows knitted together in confusion.

“Ash,” Michael giggled, licking over his bruised bottom lip. “You’re _in_ me. Like, we’re seriously having sex right now.”

Ashton’s confused expression remained for a half a second before he was letting out a soft giggle of his own. “Jesus Christ, Michael.”

Michael shifted his hips – and almost choked on a moan – and his hands moved from their death grip on the bed spread to Ashton’s shoulders, running his fingertips down his back. “You’re _in_ me,” he whispered again. “We’re having _sex_.”

Ashton’s breath came out in a soft gasp, his eyes narrowing as he looked down at Michael. “Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Michael confirmed. “You’re gonna _fuck_ me.”

A whimper fell from Ashton’s lips, his hand gripping Michael’s hips. “Keep going.”

Michael felt a tightness in his chest, watching as the desperation took over Ashton’s face. “Gonna fuck me, Ash? Make me scream your name?”

“ _Shit_ ,” Ashton whispered. “Gonna, _yeah_ , Mikey.”

Even though Michael wanted it, he was still blown away when Ashton moved for the first time. He barely pulled out an inch before rocking forward, and it punched a surprise gasp out of Michael’s mouth.

Ashton moaned, leaning down to press his face into Michael’s neck. “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael said quickly as Ashton’s hips still again. “You’re so fucking _huge_.”

Ashton laughed, pressing his nose against Michael’s throat. “Thanks?”

“Seriously,” Michael gasped. “You’re _blessed_.”

Ashton let out a soft snort, licking over Michael’s skin as he pulled out again, going slowly as he pushed back inside.

Michael moaned, tilting his hips to make the slide easier, gasping at the feeling of Ashton pulling out of him, and feeling the pleasure punch through him as he thrust back in.

“Jesus Mikey,” Ashton whispered, lifting his head to kiss over the corner of his mouth. “You’re amazing.”

Michael whimpered, arms winding around Ashton’s neck, kissing him with urgency. He slid his tongue into the older man’s mouth, rocking his hips back just the tiniest bit.

Ashton was perfect inside of him, touching all the places that Michael forgot were there, finding it easier to get through his dry spell if he just _forgot_ what sex felt like. But Ashton was obliterating that, was showing him exactly what he’d been missing, but Michael wasn’t sure if he’d _ever_ had sex like this before.

It was desperate even though Ashton was going slow, his hips measured and gentle as Michael got used to him. There was so much passion between them, and Michael whispered as much into his mouth, pulling away from the kiss to gasp.

“H-harder,” he whispered. “Want you to wreck me.”

Ashton groaned, guiding one of Michael’s legs up over his hip. “Want it _hard_ , baby?”

Michael nodded desperately, not enough self-control to resist.

Ashton was perfect, hand mapping Michael’s thigh before pulling out almost all the way, and thrust back in – _hard_.

“ _Yes!_ ” Michael groaned, digging his nails into Ashton’s shoulders. “Just like that, it’s so _good_ , Ash.”

Ashton grunted, finding a rhythm, snapping his hips quickly and fucked into Michael hard, his eyes shut.

Michael looked up at him, at the determination on his face, and Michael was _in love_. With the perfect way Ashton fucked him, and the care that he showed him, and he couldn’t believe he ever thought that doing this would be _wrong_.

Ashton pushed his other leg down against the bed, opening him up a little more as he snapped his hips forward, and Michael could feel the ache already, the knowledge that he’d live with it for a day or two, and would be able to remember Ashton fucking him, just how _good_ it had felt.

He could feel the warmth in his stomach, the desperate hardness of his erection. He thought it couldn’t get better – honestly didn’t think sex would _ever_ be this good – but Ashton was a _God_ , and Michael was gasping in the next second, his hips tilting as Ashton pressed against his prostate, and Michael was _gone_.

“That’s it,” he gasped out, eyes shut and fingers digging into Ashton’s shoulders. “God, you fuck me so good.”

Ashton’s hand clamped down on his hip, pressing it into the bed as he thrust harder, groaning into Michael’s neck. “You’re so good,” he moaned out. “So fucking _tight_ , Mikey.”

Michael was almost sobbing at the electric bursts of pleasure inside of him, at the friction against his leaking erection trapped between them, and all he wanted was to _kiss_ Ashton.

“Mouth,” he gasped. “Mouth, Ash, give me your mouth.”

When Ashton lifted his head, their mouths slid together messily, and it wasn’t so much of a kiss as it was sharing the same breath.

Michael gripped the back of Ashton’s neck to keep him in place, whining into his mouth. “I’m close, I’m so fucking close,” he whispered out in a rush, dragging his free leg up, his knee framing Ashton’s hip. “Don’t stop, _please_ Ash.”

Ashton groaned, gripping Michael’s thigh tightly, drilling him into the bed. “Want you to come for me, okay?”

Michael nodded quickly, knowing he’d agree to _anything_ as long as Ashton didn’t stop.

Ashton slammed inside of him, tugging Michael’s hips back to meet each rough thrust, and it was _too much._

Michael was desperate and falling apart and it barely took another three rough thrusts before the pleasure was sending him over the edge, coming against his abdomen with a loud cry of Ashton’s name.

“That’s it,” Ashton gasped, fucking him through it, chasing his own end. “That’s it, Mikey.”

Michael was gasping for breath, his vision whiting out and his body on fire, because he felt like he was still coming, his stomach clenching tightly as Ashton thrust inside him, and he never wanted it to stop.

“M’close,” Ashton gasped, his mouth sliding over Michael’s chin.

“Come,” Michael moaned in his ear, his body aching with the shock of the pleasure rolling through him. “Want you to come in me.”

Ashton choked out a moan, slamming his hips forward, nails dragging over Michael’s thighs, leaving angry red marks in their wake. He tugged him back into every thrust and Ashton came to the sound of Michael gasping against his throat.

His arms gave out, and Michael held Ashton’s shivering body, despite how heavy he was. He pawed gently over his hair and kissed along his jaw and whispered soft words into his ear.

“Mikey,” Ashton moaned out pitifully. “Want, want to kiss you.”

Michael kissed over his shoulder, his hands gentle as he guided Ashton’s face up, kissing him softly and sweetly. He felt so _much_ , his emotions operating at such a high level that he couldn’t identify which ones they were.

Ashton seemed to be in the same boat, pulling away from the soft kiss to slump against him heavily.

Michael smiled, tracing patterns on Ashton’s shoulders as his legs cramped, and he slowly wound them over Ashton’s hips, trying to keep in his gasps whenever he felt the older man move inside him.

Time passed, and Michael’s eyes fell shut and he could sleep, just like that. With Ashton resting on top of him and breathing against his throat, with come on his stomach and scratches down his thighs.

He actually let out a soft whimper as Ashton slowly started to move, dropping a quick, dry kiss to his lips before he was easing up and out of Michael, tugging off the used condom.

Michael watched him, smiling as Ashton carelessly dropped the tied off latex onto the floor before collapsing down beside him, pulling Michael in against his body.

“Hi,” he murmured, his voice gravelly and rough.

“Hey,” Michael whispered, fingers stroking over Ashton’s stubbled jaw.

“You good?”

Michael nodded. “Yeah, really good.”

Ashton patted his hips, his eyes closed and his body ready for sleep.

“Ash,” Michael whispered, fingers running down his neck. “What happened with Bryanna?”

Ashton’s eyes opened and he swallowed thickly. “I, uh,” he paused, swallowing again. “Told her I was bi and she broke up with me.”

Michael bit down on his bottom lip. “Oh,” he mumbled.

“Yeah,” Ashton grunted, closing his eyes again.

“What a bitch.”

A soft smile ghosted across Ashton’s lips, and he nodded. “Yeah.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, it was my birthday yesterday (I am OLD) and so that's why I didn't post this yesterday, but I think it will be worth the wait (I hope!) and it's the longest chapter to date! It just didn't seem right to break up San Francisco!
> 
> Please keep leaving comments, it's the most rewarding thing ever!
> 
> Special thanks to dreamforlife, irwah, iambic_pulse, reader000, firetruckyeah, shutupluke, nnessiee and awfuldaycupcake for their comments on the last chapter!
> 
> xoxo


	9. Chapter Nine

Michael woke before Ashton the next morning with the need to pee and a desperate ache in his ass. He eased out of the other man’s arms and off the bed, sneaking into the bathroom to take a piss, before inspecting himself in the mirror.

There were bite marks and hickies all over his abdomen, soft impressions of Ashton’s teeth along his collarbone, and angry red scratches on his thighs.

He was marked up – _roughed_ up – and Michael _loved_ it.

He was so busy inspecting his injuries that he didn’t notice Ashton, jumping in surprise when the man’s face appeared in the mirror.

Michael whirled around to see him, the other man leaning up against the doorframe in all his naked glory, marks over his own neck too, little imprints of Michael all over his skin.

“I did a pretty good job.”

Michael blushed, looking down at his torso. “You could say that.”

Ashton stepped into the bathroom, closing the distance between them. He pulled Michael into his arms and kissed him softly.

Michael sighed into it, wrapping his arms around Ashton’s shoulders.

It felt so _surreal_.

Michael had woken up with a worry that maybe Ashton would regret it. That in the harsh light of day, he could see that sleeping with Michael was a mistake.

But he couldn’t have been more wrong as Ashton guided them into the shower, and stroked him until he was hard before pressing Michael’s front to the tiled wall as he prepared him slowly before sliding inside.

It was slow rocks of Ashton’s hips, his hands all over Michael’s body that had the younger man groaning and falling slowly apart before Ashton was coming inside of him, with a soft, deep grunt. It was the quiet way they washed afterwards, Ashton’s arms around Michael as they had a silent conversation with their eyes, holding onto each other.

Michael didn’t want to leave San Francisco, even as he packed his belongings back into his bag, before he noticed the discarded condom on the carpet and Ashton was kissing over his bare shoulder as they packed in shared silence.

They’d been in a bubble that was getting ready to pop and Michael knew they had to go back to LA. They had commitments and a punishing promo schedule to follow and he really did love his job, but what he’d shared with Ashton was addictive, and he didn’t want to let it go so easily.

Things had changed, and Michael wasn’t ready to let that go.

**

“You did it.”

Michael rolled his eyes, tugging the collar of his denim jacket higher to cover the bruises on his neck. “Nice to see you too, Cal.”

Calum entered the room, flopping down on the bed beside Michael’s overnight bag, that he was attempting to unpack but the desire just wasn’t there.

“You and Ash?” Calum prodded.

Michael blushed. “Yeah, okay? We did and it was incredible.”

“Are you like, in love with him now?”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Why, are you jealous?”

“I was your first,” Calum pointed out. “Remember? Please keep that in mind when you answer the next question.”

“Yeah?”

“Was he good?”

Michael smirked. “Fantastic, actually.”

Calum frowned. “Better than me?”

Michael rolled his eyes again. “Need I remind you that the sex we had when we were sixteen wasn’t that amazing. We had no idea what we were doing.”

“You came, didn’t you?” Calum demanded, pouting his lips.

“Is it a shock to you that sex got better since the first time? If I do remember correctly, you bled on my dick.”

Calum’s cheeks went pink. “How about we just file that back into our memories as something we don’t talk about _ever_.”

Michael snorted. “Look, we’ve both gotten better, obviously. I’m glad my first time fucking and being fucked was with you, but yeah. We’re grownups now.”

Calum rolled his eyes. “You’re telling me you weren’t a little jealous over me and Luke?”

“This band is so fucking _gay_ ,” Michael sighed. “I was a little jealous, I’ll admit.”

Calum smiled, pleased with his answer. “Good.”

Michael emptied his bag onto the bed. “Does Luke know that we slept together?”

Calum shrugged. “I haven’t said anything. Whether or not someone mentioned it over the years, I don’t know.”

“Do you think we should tell them? Luke and Ash?”

Calum rubbed at the back of his neck with unease. “I don’t know. Like, is there a point? We slept together a few times when we were sixteen.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Michael offered. “It’s history.”

“Cool,” Calum nodded. “Alright, sweet. I’m gonna go find Ash, give him shit for all your hickies.”

Michael groaned. “Please don’t. Can we just gloss over it? Leave it alone?”

“Oh really?” Calum grinned, getting up off the bed. “Are you getting _feelings_ , Clifford?”

Michael shoved at him – a dead giveaway – and rolled his eyes. “Just go fuck your boyfriend,” he muttered.

Calum laughed, giving Michael a playful shove, and headed out of the room.

**

After yet another radio interview and a long afternoon of back to back interviews, Michael noticed Luke was quiet. Not enough for him to call the other man out, because they were all tired and all entitled to fall a little into the background.

Plus Calum was there, hand on his thigh when they were in the van, their fingers joined loosely together and Michael knew that whatever it was – exhaustion, insomnia, whatever – Calum had it down.

So when Michael opened the bathroom door after his shower to see Luke standing there, his socked feet digging into the hall runner and his lip ring trapped between his teeth, he knew this was either all about Calum, or all about Michael.

“Hey, man,” Michael said softly.

He knew Ashton was waiting for him, because the older man had felt him up as he grabbed for a fresh change of clothes and made him promise to _hurry_ , but Michael couldn’t very well leave Luke in this state.

“I need to talk to you,” Luke said quickly.

Michael tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt, nodding his head. “Sure,” he agreed easily. “Where do you want to go?”

“Follow me,” Luke said quietly, heading for the stairs.

Michael frowned but followed him, throwing a look at the closed door of Ashton’s bedroom, before following Luke down into the living room.

Luke sat, his knees pressed together tightly and his hands resting on his thighs.

“Luke, you’re freaking me out,” Michael admitted, sitting down on the opposite couch.

Luke was staring at his knees, not really moving much, apart from the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed.

Michael was getting antsy, starting to think that something was really _wrong_ , and he wished Ashton was there, because he always knew what to say.

“Were you ever going to tell me you had sex with Calum?”

Michael had always thought that if he and Calum ever decided to tell the rest of the band about their first-time sexual experiences, it wouldn’t be a big deal. They’d laugh about it, and make jokes at their expense and it’d just be fine.

But now, as Luke sat there staring at his knees, his voice soft and laced with _hurt_ , Michael realized how stupid they’d been.

They should’ve been upfront, even back then. Should’ve bitten the bullet and admitted their first times as something that they wanted to share with a friend.

Because _now_ , it was an issue, and Michael felt monumentally stupid to have not realized that.

“Luke, I’m-“

“You weren’t, were you?” he asked softly. “I heard you talking this morning, how it was a _joke_ to you both. Did you even stop and think about me? Or Ashton?”

The answer was _no_ , and Michael felt like a terrible person.

“Even when I told you I had a _crush_ on you back then, you had slept with Calum? You never said anything at all, and neither did he.”

“Luke, it just wasn’t a big deal,” Michael said softly.

“It is,” he insisted. “Because Calum is _jealous_ that you slept with Ashton. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you.”

That was news to Michael, not thinking that Calum’s jealousy was anything deeper than friendly banter.

“Is something going on with you and Cal?”

Michael’s eyes went wide. “Luke, _no_. I _swear_ to you.”

He could remember how jealous he’d been about Calum and Luke, and that he was convinced it wasn’t anything more than being jealous of their intimacy, but what if he’d made it seem like more than that?

“Are you sleeping with Ashton because you can’t have Calum?”

“No!” Michael said, his voice rising an octave or two. “Jesus, I promise you, Luke. There’s _nothing_ going on with me and Calum.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Luke demanded, looking across at Michael with wide eyes. “Why do you two _joke_ about it?”

Michael looked to the stairs nervously as Luke raised his voice. Suddenly, he was terrified of someone overhearing them, because he was now realizing that this was a _problem_.

“I can’t believe this,” Luke accused, hurt laced into every word. “I can’t believe you never said something, especially when I started dating Calum.”

“Why is this my fault?” Michael demanded. “You’re dating _Calum_. Not me. _He_ should be the one you’re mad at.”

“Well I’m not,” Luke snapped. “I’m mad at _you_.”

Michael gaped at him, confusion settling in his gut. “I don’t get it!”

“I was _in love_ with you!” Luke reminded him. “I was stupid and young and I liked you, and you slept with Calum! And then when I got over you, when I fell for Calum, you didn’t _say_ anything! Neither of you said anything! Do you know how stupid I feel?”

Luke was _yelling_ , his blue eyes several shades closer to midnight, and he was an imposing figure. Michael was kind of shocked, thrust into the knowledge that keeping his and Calum’s secret a _secret_ , hadn’t been the best decision after all.

“What’s going on?”

Michael’s stomach bottomed out as his head snapped towards the bottom of the stairs where Ashton stood, in sweatpants and nothing else, mouth-shaped bruises on his neck and scratch marks on his arm.

“Did you know Michael’s first time was with Calum, and vice versa?”

Michael held his breath, wanting to spit curses as Luke’s vindictiveness, wanted to smack him in the mouth. Because he’d already decided in his head to tell Ashton, and now he _couldn’t_ , it wouldn’t mean a damn thing now.

Ashton’s eyes narrowed, looking from Luke to Michael quickly. “What?”

“Jesus,” Michael whispered. “When Cal and I were sixteen, we hooked up. Just twice, to get our first times over and done with. That’s all it was, I _swear_.”

“Oh.”

Michael felt nauseous as he tore his gaze from Ashton, to look at Luke. He almost looked smug, like by hurting Michael he felt a little better about himself and Michael didn’t like it.

“Thanks,” he spat out angrily.

Luke looked at him, and matched his angry stare. “You should’ve said something.”

“Maybe!” Michael yelled. “But I wasn’t the only one!”

“Can you guys stop shouting?” Ashton asked, letting out a tired sigh.

Michael looked over at him and his heart ached.

“C’mon,” Ashton said to him, waving at him. “Let’s go to bed.”

Michael frowned. “Wait, what? Aren’t you gonna…yell?”

“Do you want me to?” Ashton asked tiredly. “I don’t have the energy for it.”

Michael stood, gravitating towards him. “I’m really sorry.”

Ashton waved his hand through the air again. “I just want to go to sleep.”

Michael looked over at Luke, who had reverted back to looking like a kicked puppy, and he sighed. He crossed the living room to hug him, enveloping him in tightly and pressed kisses to his cheek.

“I’m sorry.”

“The guy I loved then, and the guy I love now slept together,” he whispered. “I feel like I’m in the way of you two.”

“God,” Michael whispered, running his fingers through Luke’s hair. “You’re so _not_ ,” he insisted. “Okay? Calum is so fucking _in love_ with you, Luke. He never even felt a tenth of what he feels for you, for me.”

“I have to go talk to him,” Luke sighed tiredly.

“Please just remember that he loves you,” Michael stressed. “We never said anything because it wasn’t like that,” he insisted. “We were never in love.”

Michael wasn’t sure if that were true, because he’d always felt _something_ for Calum, but it had never felt like love.

“Go talk to him,” Michael insisted. “He’ll tell you the same thing.”

Luke nodded. “You promise?”

Michael kissed his cheek, his lips brushing the harsh stubble. “I swear to you.”

Luke nodded, pulling back from Michael. “I’m sorry I told Ashton.”

Michael looked over at the older man, who was sitting on the third last step, watching them. He felt a strange pull in his chest and he looked away, back to Luke.

“C’mon, let’s just go to bed.”

Luke nodded.

They stood, and Michael pulled Luke into his arms, snuggling him momentarily before letting go. They trudged towards the stairs and Michael sat beside Ashton as Luke climbed them, and they were blanketed in silence.

Michael reached out to touch Ashton’s knee, and was relieved when the other man didn’t pull away. “Do you hate me?”

Ashton looked over at him, his hazel eyes tired, half lidded. “I wish you’d told me.”

Michael nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Ashton leant over, pressing their lips together gently. “Tell me you’re not in love with him.”

Michael could feel the breath stick in his throat and he shook his head. “He’s my best friend,” he explained softly. “And yeah, we had sex twice when we were kids, but I’m not _in love_ with him.”

“Okay,” Ashton accepted softly. “You’re not with me because you can’t have him?”

“ _No_ , Ash,” Michael stressed softly. “It’s not a big deal, okay? It happened over three years ago and it was out of fear of never finding the right person.”

“Cal found the right person.”

“I know,” Michael murmured. “Can we please just forget about it? I don’t want it to be a thing.”

Ashton sighed, leaning heavily against Michael’s side. “I knew you were jealous, of him and Luke.”

Michael could almost _see_ everything spiralling out of control, and he suddenly felt so anxious that he was sick to his stomach. He didn’t want this to happen, he didn’t want to hurt the people he loved the most.

“It’s wasn’t because of _him_ ,” Michael insisted quietly. “It was because they were happy, and that’s what I wanted, what I’ve _got_ , with _you_.”

Ashton reached up to brushed some hair out of Michael’s face. “I’m second best.”

Michael turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to the inside of Ashton’s wrist. “You were a surprise,” he murmured. “I didn’t expect this, but it didn’t happen because I couldn’t have him.”

“That’s how it looks,” Ashton mumbled. “Like you were carrying a torch for him and when he shacked up with Luke, you took the next best option.”

“I _care_ about you,” Michael said softly, squeezing Ashton’s thigh and hooked his chin over his shoulder. “The only reason I never said anything about Calum was because it didn’t _matter_. I’m not in love with him.”

Ashton turned his head, kissing over Michael’s lips. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Michael mumbled, fingers scratching over Ashton’s scalp gently. “You believe me?”

Ashton smiled. “Yeah. We still might need to have a band meeting, set things straight. Or _gay_ , if we’re going by these new developments.”

Michael snuggled into his side, resting his cheek on Ashton’s shoulders. “I want to go back to San Francisco.”

“Mhm,” Ashton agreed softly. “The best I can do is upstairs. Sound good to you?”

“Sounds good to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love posting things on this site! You are all so lovely and complimentary and it makes me want to write more! Please keep leaving the love, you have no idea how awesome it is!
> 
> Special thanks to hukelemmingsx, reader000, bigJ, dreamforlife (I <3 our comment thread!), awfuldaycupcake, ArdeaPurpurea, arschmidt, firetruckyeah & rejectclifford for their comments and birthday wishes!
> 
> xoxo


	10. Chapter Ten

The idea of the _band meeting_ was awful. Michael knew it would mean sitting down, the four of them, and thoroughly discussing his very brief sexual escapades with Calum.

And Michael had been _right_.

Ashton had bought it up at breakfast, when Michael was scowling into his mug of coffee while Calum and Luke actively avoided each other and it was so _not_ the right time for that conversation. But Ashton wouldn’t take no for an answer, herding them into the living room.

Michael took the armchair, holding his mug close to him to take small sips from it, and Luke and Calum sat on the couch, an obvious gap between them, and Michael knew that the conversation they’d had the night before hadn’t gone so well, and it was another sign to _let sleeping dogs lie_.

But Ashton’s fingers were steepled as he paused for a moment, clearly unsure on how to start.

“Jesus,” Michael griped softly. “Calum and I had sex – _twice only_ – when we were sixteen. We lost our virginity to each other, and that was _it_.”

“Jeez, really?” Calum demanded. “We’re just putting shit on the table?”

“That’s kind of the point,” Michael pointed out. “Because it’s obviously a problem now, given your relationship with Luke.”

“My _relationship with Luke_ is private,” Calum demanded, almost angrily. “And what you and I did four years ago, _doesn’t matter_.”

“Obviously it does,” Michael frowned. “It matters to Luke, and Ashton.”

Calum looked over at Ashton. “Really?”

“Well,” Ashton began, sitting down on the spare couch. “I would’ve liked to _know_ before things started… _here_.”

Calum rolled his eyes. “I don’t see how this is even anyone’s business but mine and Michael’s.”

“So you’d be okay if I told you I slept with Ashton? A few years ago, when the band was new?” Luke piped up.

“Yeah, but you _didn’t_ ,” Calum pointed out.

“But what if I did,” Luke demanded, his brows furrowing. “What if I’d given up my very first time to him, let him touch me and fuck me and kiss me. Would that _bother_ you?”

Calum’s jaw tightened. “No,” he said through clenched teeth.

“You’re full of shit,” Luke spat. “You’d be jealous as hell, and you know it.”

“Luke, there’s nothing to be jealous about,” Michael insisted, trying to smooth over the argument. “It was _years_ ago.”

“That’s bullshit,” Luke demanded. “Because as soon as Calum knew you’d slept with Ashton, he was jealous, and I know for sure that you were jealous when he and I got together. So what I want to know, is,” he demanded, looking between the two of them, “are we in the fucking _way_ here, or what? Are we obstacles between you two?”

Michael looked over at Ashton, expecting him to scoff at Luke’s outlandish question, but the other man wouldn’t make eye contact, and now Michael _got_ it.

“I don’t want to be with him!” Calum answered. “I want to be with _you_!”

Michael tried not to bristle at the way Calum spoke, at the absolute insistence that he wasn’t interested. It did hurt his ego, just a little bit, but he tried not to let that show.

“Michael?” Luke demanded. “Are you in love with him?”

“I’m in best friend love,” Michael stressed. “I was jealous because you two were _happy_. I want to be happy, and I want to have what you two have. I want someone to love me, like Calum loves you!”

“Maybe somebody already does.”

Michael’s head whipped around at the sound of Ashton’s soft voice. The older man was looking down at the floor, his shoulders sagging.

“What?”

Ashton sighed, looking up at him. “You’re an idiot,” he sighed out. “You know, yeah, at first, I was concerned. That you and me was a by-product of being the last ones left, that whatever it was happened because Calum and Luke got together. But I’m not a fucking idiot, just like Luke isn’t, either.

I know Calum loves Luke, and vice versa. I know that Luke knows deep down that Calum is in it with his whole heart, but when shit like this comes up, it makes you question things that you never questioned before.

But I love you, you moron. I took you to San Francisco because I wanted our first time to be _special_. I’m making all this fucking effort and you’re not noticing.”

Michael’s mouth dropped open, his cheeks flaring hot and he wished that the conversation he was having with Ashton, was happening behind closed doors. Because Ashton had cut himself open and spilled out all his secrets, and how was Michael supposed to respond to that.

“Luke, kiss your fucking boyfriend and _believe_ him, okay?” Ashton continued, turning his attention to the younger man. “We all knew that Michael and Calum were weirdly close, and that was never a problem until now. It happened almost _four_ years ago, and Calum is ass backwards in love with you.

Luke looked down at his knees, and Calum reached out for his hand.

“He’s right, you know,” he mumbled softly. “I’m in love with you.”

“I know,” Luke said softly. “I just…it made me feel like shit.”

Calum slid toward him on the couch, and wrapped his arm around Luke’s broad shoulders. “You don’t have to doubt it,” he whispered. “I’m so with you, Lukey.”

Michael watched them with a heavy heart, trying to ignore Ashton’s words spinning in his head. He knew he’d have to acknowledge them, because he could feel the older man’s eyes boring into him. But he didn’t know what to say.

“C’mon,” Ashton sighed, standing up and extended his hand toward Michael.

Michael took it – gingerly – and let Ashton lead him upstairs. They ended up in Ashton’s room, the door shut and Michael’s coffee mug still in his hands. He sat down on the edge of the bed, chewing at his bottom lip.

“You have to say something,” Ashton said, his voice pained. “I literally said some of the stupidest shit I’ve ever said, and you haven’t said anything.”

“I know you’re making an effort,” Michael said quietly. “And San Francisco was perfect, but you _love_ me? I’m a literal screw up.”

“Maybe that’s why I love you,” Ashton pointed out, sitting down beside Michael on the bed. “Because you’re not perfect and you’re kind of a shitty idiot sometimes.”

A ghost of a smile settled on Michael’s lips before disappearing. “How long have you felt this way?”

“A little while,” Ashton smiled. “And I get it if you don’t feel the same, I just wanted to sa-“

Michael leant over and kissed him softly, trapping the words between their lips. “Don’t say sorry,” he whispered. “I just…no one has ever said that to me before.”

Ashton kissed him again softly. “Do I say you’re welcome?”

Michael laughed softly. “I care about you so much,” he mumbled. “Like, when this all started I thought it was just a physical thing, but then we go so well together.”

“Did you want Calum?” Ashton asked softly. “I’m not going to be upset if you say yes. I know that you and him go back a lot further than Luke and I know.”

“You know what it was?” Michael asked softly. “All of a sudden, I didn’t have my best friend anymore. He was with Luke; holding his hand, making jokes with him, cuddling with him. I didn’t get to play Fifa with him anymore, Luke did. I didn’t get to surprise hug attack him because he always had his tongue down Luke’s throat. I lost my best friend.”

Ashton nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

“And I’m so happy they’re happy, you know? Because Calum has never looked at anyone like he looks at Luke. But I was bummed because instead of hanging with me, he was with him.”

“You should tell him that. Seriously, this band,” Ashton sighed. “Fucking toddlers, the lot of you.”

Michael smiled. “Well hey, what about you and Bryanna? She dumps you for being bi and you end up with me? Am I a _fuck you_ to her?”

“No,” Ashton mumbled. “When she broke up with me I was upset, and you were there and you made me feel like there wasn’t something wrong with me. She looked at me like I was a pervert, and you never did that.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with you,” Michael insisted softly. “God, you’re incredible, Ash.”

“So are you,” Ashton mumbled. “You know that, right?”

“I love you,” Michael whispered out. “Like, I really think I do.”

Ashton laughed, kissing him softly. “You don’t have to say it. I don’t want to force you into it.”

“You’re not,” Michael said quickly, turning to face him more. “Like, things with us changed quickly and I realized how perfect you were.”

Ashton snorted, his hand resting on Michael’s thigh. “Can we just go back to me calling you a shitty idiot?”

Michael laughed, punching him lightly in the shoulder. “You’re such a dick.”

“I love you.”

Michael could feel heat spread up his neck. “Same.”

**

“Hey.”

Calum looked up from the cup of coffee he was making, and _winced_.

“Ouch,” Michael whispered, noticing the expression before reaching for any empty cup.

“I’m sorry,” Calum sighed, sliding a spoon in Michael’s direction. “You’ve gotta cut me some slack,” he murmured. “This morning has been _surreal_.”

While Michael _knew_ that, seeing his _best friend in the whole wide world_ flinch away from him _hurt_. He also knew that after the band meeting that morning, they’d sort of left things unresolved, with Michael and Ashton having their own private moment – which may have led to quiet, soft sex against the desk in Ashton’s room – while Calum and Luke were downstairs, and Michael had felt unsettled all morning, even as they’d piled into the van to take them to the airport.

They’d had an anxious wait after getting through the group of fans waiting for them to depart, and Michael had never been more appreciative of an airport lounge, even if he had to make his own coffee.

The coffee station was in a small room off of the main lounge, where Ashton and Luke were waiting, along with their security people and tour manager. Michael had jumped on the chance to talk to Calum alone, but his stomach churned the longer he stood in the same room with him.

“We need to talk,” Michael said softly.

“I know,” Calum sighed, picking up the pot of coffee and filled his cup, before doing the same for Michael.

“Am I going to say it, or are you?”

Calum set the pot back down, avoiding his eyes in favour of stirring sugar into the dark liquid.

Michael sighed. “Fine.” He gritted his teeth. “You don’t want to be with me?”

Calum groaned, dropping his spoon into the trashcan below the bench. “I always want to be with you,” he insisted. “But I don’t want to date you.”

“I don’t want to date you either!” Michael said defensively. “But Luke _is_ right. You _were_ jealous when I told you I’d slept with Ashton.”

“You were jealous of me and Luke first,” Calum muttered petulantly.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Michael sighed, rolling his eyes. “Are you going to keep talking shit or are you going to be _real_ with me?”

“I don’t know what _real_ is!” Calum hissed softly. “I was jealous and you were jealous and I don’t know what that means but I know that I love Luke!”

“That’s fine!” Michael whisper-yelled. “I’m pretty sure I have feelings for Ashton, but I’m also a little pissed at you because ever since you and Luke became a _thing_ , our bromance has gone down the drain!”

Calum rolled his eyes. “Our _bromance_? Are you serious?”

“Seriously missing my best friend, yeah!”

Calum sighed, looking over at Michael. “Do we have feelings for each other?”

Michael shrugged his shoulder, tugging at one of the long necklaces around his neck. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

Calum pursed his lips, staring at a spot on Michael’s chest for a few moments before looking up into his eyes. “Kiss me.”

Michael snorted. “ _No_ way. How is that supposed to help anything?”

Calum rolled his eyes, wiping his palms off on the thighs of his jeans before tugging Michael in by his shirt into a messy press of their lips.

Michael grunted, pulling away after a quick few seconds had passed. “See, that achieved _nothing_.”

Calum sighed and pulled him in again, this time their lips sliding together slower, Calum’s lips pressed softly against Michael’s bottom lip for a moment, before moving to gently suck his top lip.

Michael made a soft sound, because it was a _nice_ kiss. It was like comfort; home. But there was no spark.

He gently pulled away, reaching up to wipe at his mouth.

“Well?”

He looked over at Calum. “I, uh…nothing?”

“You felt nothing?”

Michael nodded uncertainly, momentarily terrified that Calum would disagree, that there were _feelings_ on his side.

“I don’t feel _nothing_ ,” he said slowly, diplomatically. “You’re a nice kisser.”

Calum snorted, going back to making his coffee, splashing some milk into his cup. “I don’t have feelings for you,” he insisted. “Apart from being your best friend, there’s nothing _there_.”

Michael sighed with relief, stirring sugar into his cup. “Okay, good. Because there was nothing for me either.”

Calum smiled. “See, it’s all fine. I’m with Luke, you’re with Ash, and we can get back to being best friends.”

Michael nodded, bringing his cup up to his lips to take a gentle sip. “If I could make one request,” he mumbled. “Can we have more Malum time? I know things with Luke are exciting and stuff, but we don’t get a lot of time anymore.”

Calum smirked, picking up his cup and took a dainty sip, his eyes almost dancing. “You miss me?”

Michael rolled his eyes. “No, you’re a prick.”

Calum laughed. “Okay, okay. We’ll have more dude time, I promise.”

They fell silent, and Michael took another sip of coffee, hearing the soft sound of Ashton’s laughter filter in from the other room. He was still getting used to the way his heart would kick in his chest whenever he heard it, after Ashton had assured him it was _normal_.

“Do you think Ash and Luke should sleep together, even this out?”

Michael looked over at Calum with a look of horror on his face. “Uh, _no_! Your grubby boyfriend isn’t getting his nasty hands on _my_ boyfriend.”

Calum laughed, almost spilling his coffee as he went to leave the room, gently hip checking Michael as he went. “Hey, Luke’s hands have a mind of their own!”

Michael grinned, leaning back against the bench in the lounge, feeling fondness flood his chest. Maybe he wasn’t in love with Calum, but the one thing he did know, was that his soul mate – his one true love – was his band.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this has taken so long! But we have reached the final chapter and it's kinda sad but I'm so glad you all loved this as much as I have! I hope you all like the last chapter too, please don't forget to comment!
> 
> Special thanks to ishallsinkwithmyship, dreamforlife, ArdeaPurpurea, sarahrez1, shutupluke, awfuldaycupcake, hukelemmingsx, iambic_pulse and 5SOSandChocolate.
> 
> xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this story come about after lengthy Whatsapp chats with the gorgeous Stella (5soscake-bakery on tumblr) about Michael's pitiful jealously when Calum and Luke got together. So, this - of course - leads to Mashton, which is a ship I can't get off, ever since Yesterday's Feelings.
> 
> It was meant to be a short story, but it morphed into a 60-page odyssey! So apologies for this first part being short, I'm trying to figure out how to break it up!
> 
> I hope you like it, please leave comments, it really is the most beautiful reward after spending hours creating!


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